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 Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP

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Lynx-Tiger



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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:24 pm

Steve smiled warmly, "It sounds like we're in for another shopping trip. Though I wouldn't mind it very much honestly. I know Angelina and Bucky are starting to feel ansty and I haven't seen the outdoors in a while. I'll do a few sketches and we can see where we go from there. We should also talk to Bucky and River, make sure they're okay with that idea too."
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:43 pm

"Of course." Calla smiled and bumped her shoulder to his, the contact even brief made her shoulders drop in relief. "This is going to be a lot of fun if they say yes. I'll see you later, then." She stood up and gathered her things, giving him one last shy smile before heading off.
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Tue Jun 13, 2017 2:24 pm

~*~

The lights went out and Bucky was out of the room just as fast as the lightning had come. Thankfully, with the light flicker he'd braced himself for it, and wasn't set into an episode. It still put him on fight or flight, his adrenaline rushing. Going down the few halls needed to get to River's room, he knocked on it with a few sharp, quick raps. His mouth was still set into a thin line, so he didn't call for her. It took twelve point three seconds for her to open the door and he quickly stepped in, assessing the area before turning his attention to her. Her eyes, even in the dim, flashing light were wide and her usually rosy skin was pale. "You have candles, don't you? Let us light some. You were probably in the process of that before I arrived."
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Tue Jun 13, 2017 2:37 pm

River nodded after a moment and she rolled two of them towards him. They were pure white tapers that looked like they had already been used. They stuck them into the holders that she had out, and Bucky was fastest at lighting them. River hands were shaking too badly for her to be quick. After the four were lit up and placed on the coffee table did River finally let out a loud breath that almost sounded like a wheeze. The glow of the candles showed tear tracks on her face, her skin pale, and probably cold. She was shaking like a leaf.

"River..." Bucky reached out and brought her to him, sitting on the couch and tucked her under his arm. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, soothing her as if she was Angel, but it was different at the same time. His arms were protective around her, tightening and loosening between rumbles. "Breathe. I have you. You're safe."

River breathed, it was hard at first to find a rhythm since she was scared, but his breathing helped. After a while, she managed to get herself a little under control. She was still shaking and pale, but she was breathing. "That crack was so sudden...the lights flicked and..." She swallowed. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

"I'm here. I got you." He continued to rub her arm and stroke her hair, "Your candles smell nice." He said in way of distraction, but also he did think so. "Custom made? No labels."

"I make them." River said, her cheeks tinting a little. "It's easier for me to make them rather than order them. It's lavender and vanilla. I thought that something soothing would be good since the storm's so awful. I have a bunch of unscented ones for when I do my rituals."

"That's useful. An interesting talent. Have you sold them before? What other scents can you make? Anything?" Bucky asked curiously.

"I make anything, as long as I have the essential oils or fragrance oils to make it. I did sell them a long time ago." River said, relaxing and moving so that she could get a little more comfortable. The storm was practically white noise now. "I used to sell spells too, but candles were my top most sold item so I focused more on it."

"Spells? What kind of spells?" Bucky practically dragged her into his lap and nosed her neck , his arms wrapping around her waist, "Tell me more."

River let out a giggle as he pulled her into his lap and she wrapped her arms around his neck. It felt nice, to be held and not be held down. His hands were warm and they lingered where ever he had touched. "All sorts. I'm good with protection spells and with healing spells. I also can use spells to help find a job, or get a job. I had lots of successes with that one. I also do rituals for the dead, help them pass on."

"That's sweet. Maybe one day you'll be able to get back to where you were." He pulled back a little and raised an eyebrow at her, "Did you use a spell on me, hmm? Is that how you charmed me?"

"I was hoping it was my personality that charmed you." River smiled at him, her fingers tugged a little at the ends of his hair. "No, I didn't use a spell. I didn't know how you would take me being a witch."

"Your personality is wonderful, no magic needed." Buck chuckled, leaning into the touch of her fingers, "I think you being a witch is different, new, and besides Wanda I haven't really thought I'd experience. I don't mind at all. I have a lot to learn about you, and that is something that I like. Nothing's changes, besides that I admire you more."

"Admire?" River was a little taken aback. If he had said "liked" she would have understood. But, admire? "I mean, admiring you makes sense, but admiring me?"

"I told you earlier today that I love you, but it's going to take time to get used to. I do admire you. You're sweet, kind, understanding. You're willing to listen, and gentle. You've no doubt heard all of this before, but you are. You are calming, and you might think that's due to your element, but I feel as though your element was just a manifestation of your core." Bucky explained softly.

River's eyes softened as he spoke and she cupped his cheek with her hand. Instead of going in for a kiss like expected, she pressed her own on to his forehead. "You have a lot to admire too." She said after a moment. "Your strength and will. Your determination. You take hold of what you got and you don't let go. I admire your love for Angelina too."

"I'm sure the lights and power will be on soon. I don't think I'll sleep for a while tonight." He stroked the back of his knuckles against her cheek, "Would you like to watch a movie or something?"

Just as he said that the lights flickered on and she had to close her eyes at the sudden wave of light. She opened them again and she laughed a little, "A movie sounds wonderful. Do you want tea now that the lights are on? I can make some."

"Tea sounds perfect." Bucky was reluctant to let her go, but he did and leaned down to blow out all but one candle, enjoying the scent too much to put it all out.

()
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Tue Jun 13, 2017 4:47 pm

"It's been a while since you had me pose for you. What brought this on?" Buck asked as he sat on the couch, arching a brow at Steve who had his sketchpad at the ready.


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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 2:43 am

"A secret," Steve answered as he started working on the picture. "Did you go to see River during the storm?"

Bucky made sure to keep his head looking towards the window, instead of looking at Steve who was bracing himself on the arm of the couch, getting comfortable. He knew he was in for a long-haul, something detailed. "I did. You know, it's funny how easily I slipped into the mindset of your model. It's been so long, but you must've used me to pose much more than I /actually/ remember. This is muscle-memory, like a real old habit you don't even notice doing."

Steve huffed, well that didn't go so well. He wanted a /look/ god/damn/. He thought talking about River would get it, but nope. Instead he got brushed off. Best to see if he can't keep getting the conversation back. "You used to pose me so often, you started joking that I should pay you."

Buck smirked a bit, "That sounds like old me. But yeah, I did see River. I had a weird moment? The lights flickered, I made sure everything was off, and braced for the hit. I knew it was coming. When it happened, and the boom made my ears ring, I was out the door as the compound went dark. She was so scared, she had been crying. I was in a...partial state, not quite switched but my sentences were clipped and literal."

Steve glanced upwards, it wasn’t the exact expression that he was going for, so he decided to leave the face blank and continue on with the body. He’ll get there. “You were able to calm her down though, you used to be really good at that with your sisters. You’d distract them with stories, or have them tell you some.”

"I had her tell me some." Buck agreed, and then grinned, "She makes her own candles! Vanilla lavender, I think it was, but she can make whatever as long as she has the oils for it. Then she told me she used to make spells, sell them along with her candles."

"She's a witch?" Steve glanced up and smiled, that was the expression. "That sounds right up your alley. You always liked the girls who had something to them. I never thought you'd go for a witch though, your mama would be rolling in her grave right now. She thought you'd marry someone from the Church."

"Steve, you know I was never a good Christan boy. Sex before marriage.../lots/ of sex before marriage. I never liked going to Church, sitting in a stupid uncomfortable cubical for an hour doing absolutely nothing listening to an old Pastor drone on about how all my thoughts and actions and being /me/ would send me to hell. Hated dressing up if it wasn't for a date. There were a few times I thought that was why I got caught, karma for not going, but I'd feel even more uncomfortable now than ever. Nah, I'd rather learn her ways."

He could see that, Steve mused as he continued to sketch the grin, the love that came from his excitement. "That is true. Though I wouldn't doubt she would mind teaching you either. I'm sure she'll be over the moon. I bet there's a few holidays that are coming up too. You should ask her if you can help out, get your feet wet."

Bucky snorted, "So /you're/ not gunna toss a fit in her stead? Only one God and all?" he gave Steve another arched brow and a side-ways glance before returning his attention to the window. "After the lights came back on we had tea and watched a movie, then she fell asleep on me. It was real cute. I adore her."

Steve looked a little hurt at that and he stopped drawing, he looked at Bucky, his eyebrows furrowed. "You know I'd never hurt you or River like that. I might believe in something different than you, but that doesn't mean I'm going to say your wrong. I mean, I'm friends with Thor. Technically, he's a god even if his people don't think themselves as such." He looked down at the drawing, and then looked back up at Bucky. "She's good for you, Buck. I haven't seen you so relaxed since before Good War."

"Here I was believing coming out of the pod that things would be Hell on Earth for me. Since Angel's episode, it's been fairly good. It won't last, good things never do, but I can enjoy it while it does. Angel brought me a cookie from Dylan's apartment. It was real buttery and sugary and she iced it. She was pretty excited about doing something different like that. They came and took Precious when the lights went out and apparently the outage is all his fault, he jinxed it."

Steve laughed shaking his head and went back to drawing. "So that's Dylan's super-power. I was wondering what it could be since Zan's is knowing when she's needed."

"Right?" Buck glanced at him with a simple shift of his eyes, "So how'd you deal with the storm? You don't seem too rattled. Work out? Let the clanking drown it out?"

"I'm not telling cuz that's also a secret and if I told you the secret you'd ruin the drawing." Steve answered, "But I will tell you that I accidentally made things worse."

Barnes faces shifted a few times when he knew he should stay still. Confusion, thinking, and concern. Then he remembered his conversation with River about Calla and understanding dawned on him. He wasn't made a genius with is serum for nothing and he frowned. He heard Steve grunt with the frustration he wasn't doing what he wanted him to do. "I am sorry about that...I was teasing you, I didn't mean to make it such a big deal. Did you make it worse by not saying anything?"

"It was..." Steve sighed and looked up at Bucky, knowing that unless this conversation was done and over with he wouldn't get that expression back. "It was worse because we got talking and..." He sighed shaking his head. "Alright, fine. I'll tell you since you're so determined not to let me have secrets. Calla and I are doing a collaboration on some art. This is a project we wanted to do for you and River."

Well. That explained everything. He spent time with Calla, got creative juices flowing, and wound up here. "All without telling her you don't want anything but friendship. I should've kept my mouth shut." He made Steve aware and paranoid and overthinking about his relationship with Calla as it stood and now it was set to be ruined before it began. He tried to think. What could he do? How could he fix it for Steve? He tried to use that genius mind of his before he went into a downward mental spiral. "This is just an innocent collaboration for two people you both care about. There's nothing wrong with it, no ulterior motives. You both like art, that's a good thing for any /friend/ to bond over, isn't it?"

"I would think so, but I think Calla sees it as more." Steve sighed, shaking his head. "It's fine, Bucky. I think we'll just have to see what happens. It's not your fault. Don't over think things either."

Bucky worried his lip, but he would have to take it an leave it. He knew they'd just go around in circles anyway. "Alright. I just...I'm sorry." He sighed deeply and looked at the window a bit forlornly. "What do you need me to think about, then? Just...River? How she makes me feel? Is that what you're going for?"

"Yeah." Steve said with a small smile. "Like you're looking right at her and you're telling her how much you care for her. Or that you want to learn her witchy ways. That's why I was talking about her too. You always...she brings you a lot of light. I like seeing it."

Bucky only hummed, not wanting to talk anymore. He thinks of River, but it's mostly how he wished Steve was a little less prone to making things difficult, that he wished he could have what he had with River. It was still scary to think of it as love, but it did make a tiny smile appear and his eyes softened. He may have said it, but it would probably be a while until he said it again. For now, care and admire were good enough and River responded well to it. It was a relief, how much he didn't /have/ to say for her to understand. To /get/ it. He knew Calla was trying, wanted to be like that for Steve, and she did something right if she kept Steve calm curing a storm and got him to do some art for fun, for a purpose, instead of mindless stupid doodles that left Steve's face blank and unmoving and honestly depressing to look at. It wasn't Calla. Bucky felt firm about that. She was trying hard, but Steve was a brick wall and he worried. He really did. At least Steve said he'd try. That was the most he would be able to get out of him, and it would have to do.
~+~
"You never have me pose for anything," River said as she got herself comfortable on the couch. She knew that she would have to stay still and not move, and she tried her best to limit the amount of things that Calla would have to draw. She didn't think that having candles or anything on the coffee table would be a good start. "You hate people."

"Is it so wrong for me to want to practice anatomy?" Calla asked River as she was given a skeptical look. "What?! What is that face for?!"

"I think you're fibbing," she shook her finger at Calla before sighing and trying to make sure her pose would work for a long period of time before she sunk into it. "So, like this?"

"I used to be real good at portraits, I'll have you know." Granted that was back in high school, and she hadn't done a painting with a person in it, other than a shape that was supposed to be a person, since a gallery entry when she was eighteen. "Yes, that's good." She didn't have a photographic memory like Steve, and would probably take much longer than him, too. "We'll take breaks if we gotta. I'm mostly after your face, anyway."

River rolled her eyes, "if it was anyone else saying that, I'd swear it was a fetish."

"You know what my real fetishes are, don't lie." Calla grinned at her, reaching over and poking River's cheek, before she settled back and started using her charcoal to do a rough outline for her to follow as she went deeper. "It smells real good in here, by the way. You made that candle last week and it's almost gone. Did you have a visitor in the night?"

"Just Bucky," River's smile was wide on her face and her eyes were soft. She shifted her pose just a bit, but not enough for Calla to get upset. "He must have heard me scream...or maybe he felt like I was scared of the storm. He came by soon after the lights went out and helped me light the candles. We started talking about my occupation."

Calla loved that smile and worked as fast as she could. She could always clean it up later. "That's so sweet! I'm glad he was able to keep you company. So you told him about you candle making? Anything else?" Just keep that smile.

"I admitted to him that I was a witch, but he wasn't put off by it. He seemed genuinely interested in it. I told him what spells were and weren't successful and he asked me if I ever put a spell on him. I said no, of course." River said that last part hastily.

Calla giggled, "Awwww, no Hocus Pocus spells here?" She teased doing proportion lines and doing River's face line from the slope of her nose, the pucker of her lips and jut of her chin, then the slim expanse of her neck. She went back and added where her eyes would be, and started doing minute details she could expand upon, "It's so obvious how close you two got in such a short time. He attached himself to you and you went with, well, went with the flow of it. You don't consider it suffocating or alarming."

"He doesn't do it in a way that is." River smiled softly. "He tells me what he thought, we know that we still have boundaries and we're not completely recovered. We also know that there's going to be times where we won't want to be around the other, or when our touches feel bad and awful. I know he hasn't seen me flashback or have a nightmare or something and I know I haven't met the Soldier yet, but...he loves me anyway. And I love him."

Calla paused, but only for a second before her charcoal pencil resumed it's scratching rhythm. "I'm happy for you, sister. I know Vince is worried, but you two need each other. He opens up with you and you with him in a way I haven't seen you do before except with Vince. This time, I'm sure it'll stay. Bucky /might/ have a thing for Steve, but he fawns over you like you're the stars in the sky."

River's expression changed, "That's so sweet. I hope I look at him at least in the same way. I'm sure he does have a bit of a thing for Steve. I wouldn't doubt that a long long time ago they were together as a couple and had to hide it...."

"It's a possibility. That's something they might touch up on later. Right now, he's so focused on you and Steve might leave it at that, too. If Bucky remembers, that's one thing, but Steve wants him to have his own life, too." Calla did the pretty flow of River's hair, "Honestly it would also explain how Steve was able to break Bucky from his control. Love does real powerful stuff."

"It really does." River's expression changed to sadness. "Both good and damaging."

Calla's brows furrowed, "That sounded kind of ominous?" she said slowly.

"I was thinking of Vince...and of him." River bowed her head. "I always fall so hard and so fast. I know it's a problem. Vince was one thing, and we were really good together. I know we still joke that we're husband and wife, and I know that we both moved on. I know he's happier without anyone and I know that I need to be loved by someone....but I fell for the wrong person."

"Bucky isn't the wrong person for you. I feel it in my heart. Vince felt kind of meh, as much as I thought, and still think, you two are adorable together. It didn't fit. There was no sun and moon connection going on in my mind. Then /he/ just gave me the creeps, but it wasn't like I have any room to talk, considering the cold-hearted snake I fell for because I liked his smarts. Bucky...Bucky feels right in so many ways, it's uncanny. You revolve around each other in a way you and Vince never did. Push and pull, like the ocean tides. Natural."

"Tell you a secret?" River gave Calla a bit of a shy glance before she looked away trying to keep the pose. "I had a dream once where we were married and we had our own kid. It was a dream though and I'm sure that's so far in to the future, it's not even funny. But...I never had that kind of dream with any of them. With Vince I just dreamed we moved in together...but I didn't imagine walking down the aisle and the other...I didn't dream anything."

"Prophetic and promising. See what I mean, though? It's that hope, that dream. Dreams like that can become reality fairly easily." Calla twirled her pencil between her fingers with practiced ease as she stared unseeing at her picture. "Especially considering it's not one-sided."

Uh oh. River swallowed and she glanced at Calla worried, "You're talking about Steve?"

"River, love, you know I'm not dumb. I was dumb once, but I was quick to realize my mistake. By then he had his hooks in too deep." Calla sighed, "I latched onto Draco, but it was a fleeting crush. It shouldn't have happened. I had no idea we'd end up here, and I know he knew but neither tugged my chain or shot me down, just let me be. I feel shy and self-conscious around Steve. I think he's attractive and we did...we did talk last night. It felt easy, comfortable. I can't help how I react. I can't stop the blush and I hate smacking myself mentally for it and feeling like I shouldn't."  She brought her knees up, her pad resting on her thighs and she continued to fidget with the pencil. "You have to have some level of friendship anyway for anything to work. It's why you and Bucky work well, because you two are all about communication. Last night was a fluke."

"Steve asked us for advice." River wasn't about to lie to her. "He's..." she shifted, not certain if what they talked about was private or not, but decided that Calla needed to hear it. "Steve's not home from the war yet. He doesn't know what downtime is. It's not that it's one-sided, I'm sure he likes you a lot. I know he does. But the thing is, is that he's trying to learn to be family...and he's trying to learn to be him. He can't do that when so many people want pieces he doesn't understand or know himself."

"I haven't said anything because of that. I was going to wait. Am waiting. I won't push, it's not right. I'm still broken, too. I can't turn off my feelings, but I'm trying not to project them, either. Unless I'm failing horribly? Should I what, be the only one who doesn't talk to the man because he needs his space and I'm clingy?" Calla's lip trembled and she sat up straight. "What am I supposed to do? I date one guy and he and yours ruin our lives. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do."

"No that's not.." River looked upset and she got out of the pose and hugged her friend. "I think he's worried about assuming. He wants to be your friend, he really does. But he feels like if he does that, he hurts you and if you tell him that you like him, he feels bad because he doesn't want you to be put in a position where you're waiting forever and a day for him to get over his issues. I think you both need to talk about what kind of friendship you want. I don't think last night was a fluke, sweetheart. I think that you guys are just...you guys are so easy to jump the gun."

Calla sniffed and hugged River back fiercely, hiding tears in her shoulder, "I'm scared." She admitted to her, "I want to talk, I know it's key. I know that. Yet I don't know how to broach the subject and then we'll somehow stick our foots in our mouths and dig our own graves. I'll be waiting either way, with or without talking. Miracles don't happen overnight. I just...I want to /help/ him, too. I want to be there for him like you and Bucky are there for each other. I don't want him to fumble in the dark all by himself but he's just going to push me away. I had him help me with the drawing I was doing last night and he fell into it wish such ease. He had looked frazzled by the storm, but after drawing he looked calmer. I want to keep doing that, but he's so determined to fight his own battles."

"That did help him." River pulled away. "Not everything has to be big and huge and loud. That tiny little thing was enough too. Just use art as your bridge. Use it as a guide too. Maybe that's the best way to build you guys up."

Calla quickly wiped away her tears. When had she become so weak? She didn't cry much when she was captured and tortured, tapping into that long dormant side of her, but ever since coming here she was a waterfall. "Maybe. I want to hope it is. I want to try. I am trying." She didn't have much left to give,  however, if she was putting in so much effort and getting nowhere with it. She hoped beyond reason that this little project between them would be enough to start. "Could I have some tea? Then we could get back to this."

"Of course," River said, getting up and going into the kitchen. She found a kettle and started filling it with water. Her mind was going a thousand miles per a minute. She had a bad feeling that she just ruined everything Steve worked hard for.

()
The bar was only usually frequented by Scott but Scott was off terrorizing Clint instead. So that meant it was empty. It was lonely, but Calla really needed a drink. She sipped on her glass of brandy as she stared at her color experiments to see if what she and Steve agreed on would work as the background. River said it wasn't a fluke, but after meeting with Steve to see each other's sketches, everything felt awkward and tense again. She didn't want to be too distant but Steve was observant and had asked if she was okay. Really? No she wasn't, but as she opened her mouth to do the conversation she knew they needed to have, her words stuck and she just said 'I'm fine'. If things could be civil just long enough for them to do these little pictures for River and Bucky, then she would be able to talk about it. She felt ashamed that she had smiled and blushed at his praise, but it wasn't fair she should be ashamed for something that was a compliment. but if she could just...

"Your thoughts are loud." Angelina's voice was quiet and watched as Calla jumped. "You won't stop going around in circles."

"Geezus, and they call your father the Ghost." Calla put her hand on her chest, taking deep breaths as her heart pounded, "What brings you to the bar? Hell, I realized I don't even know how old you are."

"Old enough." Angelina assured as she got into the seat next to her. "I don't drink a lot, usually just one and then I go home." She explained and she turned to the bar tender who was raising his eyebrow. "Appletini." She said as she reached for her ID and handed it to him. He looked at it, looked skeptic, but handed back it to her and she smiled, pleased. "Old enough." She assured again and placed her ID back. "I am the Soldier's Companion. If I can't do that, then I'm no good on the field."

Calla nodded, "I'm sure it's easier to take down targets when they're inhibited." She sucked another drink of her brandy, "I'm sorry for my loud thoughts. I came here so I wouldn't bother anybody. I didn't want to swim, but I don't go to the gym. I didn't really know where else to go."

Angelina's eyebrows furrowed and took her drink without a thought when the bartender came back and placed it in front of her. "Drinking your thoughts away can be a good idea unless you do it so much you turn into alcohol." She said after a moment. "But you could come to someone who isn't apart of anything."

"I don't drink often. I just...wanted to feel good for once. Stupid in hindsight since alcohol is a depressant. You guessed by my thoughts, I'm tired of feeling wrong for my feelings." Calla shrugged and ran her finger over the picture, "I don't mean...to be rude? What kind of advice would you give me besides talking? River already gave me that talk."

"I wouldn't give you any." Angelina answered, a little pleased that she didn't have to jump through hoops. "You don't need it."

"Is that so? So I'm just a wreck because I won't use any of the advice I've been given." Calla was amused by Angel's smile, "What do you think, in general, at least? That I'm silly for sitting here doing nothing?"

"I think your hurting yourself." Angelina answered taking a sip of the drink and setting it down. "I think that you want a lot, expect a little, and when those two things conflict you go into a tizzy."

"Well. You're not wrong." Calla agreed with a shrug, "I do want a lot. Life's not fair but I can't help to want. Everyone wants. I'm just...clingy and I also need. I need my friends. I'm not good at finding a balance, not anymore. My life had a good balance before, but a month after having my life dictated for me and I'm still tripping over myself."

"I didn't know how to want." Angelina admitted, taking another sip of the drink. "I didn't mind not wanting. I don't know about fairness either. I know what mercy looks like. I know what murder looks like. I know what a monster is. I know what a friend is." She shrugged a little and took another sip of the drink. "I think if Uncle Steve if coming home from a war, you're coming home too and you don't know that. You don't like talking to people. Draco's not done healing you and neither is Nyah. But you refuse their help."

"I guess I'm too independent that way." A trait she seemed to share with Steve. Calla rolled her eyes at herself. but then frowned. "I know I'm damaged. I'm not nearly as important, though. Buck, River, Vince...I'm pretty low on the totem pole."

Angelina reached up and whacked her on the head and when Calla looked at her, her mouth was in a firm line. "What does that make me?"

Calla furrowed her brows. "You're pretty high up, like Bucky. I didn't add you in the list because I thought it was a moot point? I mean, there you were, minding your own business, and you come home to a ransacked house, your cat terrified out of her mind, your father missing. Not to mention the shit you and your father went through together in Hydra. Like, yeah, you're /way/ up there."

"I'm talking about damage." Angelina's mouth turned into a frown. "I'm not comparing scars. I'm not comparing battle wounds. We all suffered. Badly. Terribly. But just because your damaged doesn't mean that you're so low that you don't matter. Or that the damage done to us is more important than the damage done to you. But I wouldn't take pride in it. I wouldn't go to Dyl-Dal and tell him, "I like you but I'm damaged". That cheapens what I have for him. Whatever I have for him. Are you going to be that person? Are you going to tell Uncle Steve "I'm sorry I'm damaged but take me anyway?" Or are you going to tell him "I'm a good artist, I'm kind. I know how to swim?"

She was silent for a while as she swirled her drink around in the glass, but she did think about it seriously. Angel had a point, she knew she did. She closed her eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Door number two, obviously. This is a bad conversation to have while drinking, my mind's not in the right place, but maybe it never was, not really. I'm saying things I shouldn't be. Thinking things. At least I'm catching it before we go around in circles verbally and not just mentally."

Angelina patted the table, much like how Dylan and Zan knocked on it. "But whose going to judge you here?" She tilted her head. "Everyone certainly likes to give advice. But I think you needed someone to just listen."

Calla frowned deeper and nodded. "I told River that Bucky feels right for her. In a way that didn't feel right before. I thought...I thought I felt that way for Steve. He comforted me not only once, but twice. Since then...it's just...we drifted. Nothing more happened. It...it hurts. I talk to him, but it feels...he doesn't feel wrong, but something /wrong/ happened. I don't feel right reaching out to him, getting close. You know how magnets can push away from each other, too?"

Angelina nodded solemnly, "I know. I used to like playing with them and trying to figure out how they worked. I used tată's arm for it." She shook her head from side to side. "I don't like it."

Calla sniffed but didn't cry. She just looked exasperated and worn out. "I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable with your own family. That's not right. A lot of things are wrong right now and it's not just Steve's stubbornness. Are you a spiritual person at all? Not religious, but like, believing it might be something deeper?"

At that Angelina looked puzzled. "I don't....know what that is." She shrunk back a little. "I never heard of it...before."

For the first time, Calla actually smiled a bit. Not pity or condescending or sad, "That's fine. It's hard to explain. It could be something for you to research in your spare time or something. It's fine. I probably am overthinking it anyway, so you could just ignore it, too. I dunno. I was just thinking it's all so strange." She shrugged, "Don't mind me. I should just go back to my room and try and sober up to try and work on my side of this little collab. Which one do you think works best? That your dad would like?" She handed the paper over over.

Angelina took the paper and she looked at it for a moment be she pointed at the middle. "She looks like she's in love so that one."

"Perfect. I was really liking that one, too. A second opinion is always good." She finished off her drink and winced before clearing her throat and took the paper. "Sorry again, for being a mess. Thank you though, for listening."
~+~
“What is spirituality to you?” Angelina had found Draco and Nyah out on the patio, drinking tea and having a discussion that required a lot of gestures to their words. She could tell that it was a conversation that wasn’t supposed to be listened to, and she knew that she interrupted it. “Sorry. I’ll-“

“Stay.” Draco said soothingly and gestured towards a chair that was on either side of them. Neither of them were wearing their hoods, but they still wore the blue uniform. Draco’s hair was tied in a abundance of braids with different colored beads while Nyah’s was tied in a ponytail but with the same small miniature braids and beads. “What’s this about spirituality?”

“Calla said something about it.” Angelina said as she sat down on the chair, feeling scrutinized. She hadn’t felt like this since the handlers looked at her and made sure that she was well after bleeding for two weeks on a period. “She asked me if I believed in anything deep.”

“Spirituality is kind of like your own personal philosophy about a religion that you care for.” Nyah said gently. “A lot of people for an example, may believe in a religion, but they may be spiritual as in they believe in something more. I know of plenty of people who take different religions and mix them together to create their own spiritual philosophy. Though, what brought this on?”

“I don’t have one.” She shifted in her seat. “I don’t know what it is.”

Nyah and Draco exchanged a look and Draco was the one that picked up the conversation. “In our village we believe in a God and a Goddess. We believe that when we die, we die with honor so long as we lived by our code. We believe that the river will take us to where we belong and that we’ll meet at the shore of the afterlife.”

“We also believe in many other things, but most importantly is to listen to what the Goddess says. Even if you’re not believed.” Nyah continued softly. “Our spiritual philosophy is to listen, to think, and then to do. That’s what makes us such a strong community for it doesn’t just go with listening to the God and Goddess, but to everyone.”

“Of course, there’s many other spiritual beliefs out there that you can look for.” Draco assured quickly. “Ours is such badly explained one, but…if you ever wanted to go more in depth, I could bring you back to the village and you could talk to the Sha’lai. They’d guide you through the trainings and maybe even bring you into the fold.”

“Do you know of other spiritual stuff?” Angelina asked, moving forward. “Like superstitions?”

“Always have a clean blade. Never clean it at night and always in the river.” Draco answered promptly.

“Always take note of what direction the baby is born, for that’ll determine personality and career.” Nyah said thoughtfully.

“The sick hut must be cleaned from south to north and west to east and never opposite.” Draco continued.

“Always dry herbs and never buy them. Always pick them from the ground to for that’s where the Goddess does her best work.” Nyah smiled. “We have plenty more but I think we should stop there.”

“But there’s more than yours.” Angelina prompted.

“There is, but that doesn’t mean we know what it look likes.” Draco shook his head from side to side. “But if you would like, I could offer you some religions you may find interesting.”

“Please?”
~+~
The conversation had been fascinating to him. So many people had wanted to know about the culture, or about their ways of life, but hardly anyone ever asked about their beliefs before. It made Draco wonder, however, what exactly was going on through Angelina’s mind. She never seemed to be interested in that type of thing before, and yet now she was asking questions a well-educated person would ask if they were about to head in that study of field. He had hoped that he guided her well when he heard his name be called and he turned to the direction. “Sam! I’m sorry, were you calling for me long? I was lost in thoughts.”
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 3:13 am

"Hey, nah, just twice. Whatcha thinkin' about? Something real deep, by your face." Sam tilted his head at Draco curiously and fell into step with him as he continued Draco's path.

"Angelina approached Nyah and I with a question." Draco said after a moment of thinking. He didn't think it was too personal nor too private not to share. "About spirituality in particular."

"Oooh. That's a tricky one since there's so many out there. I trust she'll find what fits for her, but she's diving into a real deep section of the ocean." Sam whistled. "What'd you tell her?"

"I explained what ours were from the village and offered her to meet with the Sha'lai." He let out a slow breath. "I also gave her some pointers on where she might want to go next if she had more questions. She...felt concerned that she didn't have one, nor knew what it meant or was."

"It means a lot of things to a lot of people. It's still mind-boggling, what she does and doesn't know. She surprises me sometimes by her knowledge and then things like this, where she doesn't have a clue." Sam shook his head, "Good thing Dylan has a laptop she can use, not to mention the abundance T'Challa has on hand for community use. I hope she doesn't choose Atheism, out of all of it. That would be easy to do, considering how literal she can be sometimes. Not that Atheism is bad, it would just feel like a cop-out."

"I always find those who do not believe in anything to be terrifying." Draco made a face. "It makes you wonder what exactly they will fall for if they won't stand for anything. Or believe in anything. Believing in themselves is only good when it's for good things and for good purposes, but...some people don't know what that looks like."

"Exactly." Sam agreed whole-heartedly. "Did she mention anything else? What sparked the idea in the first place?"

"She spoke to Calla. She didn't give me the details of the conversation, but I felt it in her soul that she shook some foundations." Draco folded his arms, and glanced at Sam. "I wouldn't be surprised if she has a miniature meltdown. Like you said, it's a deep ocean she's diving into. We can guide her way, but it'll be hard not to become teachers unless she has a specific question or a specific religion she may or may not want to follow. I don't doubt that she may talk to T'Challa about it...or perhaps she may talk to Clint or Scott. I don't think she'll talk to her family."

"Which...is horribly sad that she isn't comfortable going to Buck or Steve. Bucky out of jealousy how River took her spot. Steve because he's kind of in a state of limbo. Ugh, Draco, Steve isn't doing so hot at all. Hearing Angel talked to Calla makes a ton of sense. I went to hang with him in his room and he was painting on the little canvas he got from the city but he was doing that blanked-out zone. Which means he's so far in his own head I can't get him out. I tried to get him to take a break, but I ended up leaving. Something is /up/ and it's making my stomach sour." Sam frowned deep as two and two were put together. Of all the couples that could go wrong, this one was on a downwards spiral and he had a sinking feeling it was because what wasn't said. "Calla probably had a talk with River, and hell if Steve's worried about /assumptions/ then Calla's twice as bad. You need to tell me what her mental state was last time you talked to her. We kind of just glossed over it. I don't know how it'll help, if it will, but you were there when I talked to Steve. Just having the information is valuable to see where this might be going."
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:23 am

"I haven't spoke to her for a while, but I have read her soul a few times." Draco admitted, shifting. "She glosses her own hurt, puts herself down as not very important." He sighed shaking his head. "She's a waterfall of emotions that she hasn't properly worked out yet. She hasn't realized that she is just as important if not more so than her friends. I said this before, that Calla would feel scorned and lost if someone was to come up to her and tell her point blank friends only. The issue is that they both don't want to communicate because they cannot deal with what would come after. Steve I know will soldier on, stiff shoulders and such, but Calla will feel the world crumble." He paused, "Other than that, I fear that Calla is starting to wonder about her place here. River has a niche, Vince despite him being in the library more than being with any of us, has a niche as well. We all have a place and a need. What is hers? I wonder, I bet Steve is wondering the same thing about himself."
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:29 am

"Even as he didn't know who Steve Rogers was anymore, and being upset when others couldn't see him when he couldn't see himself, he always had his Captain America persona." Sam rubbed his forehead. It seemed that no matter what they could've done, something bad was going to come of it. "They're both so lost. If you managed to talk to Calla, what would you say or do? I can't really do much more for Steve."


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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 10:01 am

"I do not think I can say much that she hasn't already heard before." Draco sighed, looking just as lost as Sam felt. "I would instead probably do the old-fashioned throw them into a room and lock it and force them to talk, but...I have a feeling doing that would only result in worse consequences. I do not know what else we can do, besides that we should help them when they reach the bottom. Sometimes, as sad as I am to say it, the rock must finish rolling before we can do anything about dragging it up the hill again."
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 10:49 am

"So, then, I guess we wait and be there for them when the smoke clears. Love all your analogies, by the way." Sam chuckled and reached out, slipping his arm around Draco's waist and they kept walking, "How about we go chill at Zan's cafe and just ignore the fact we're waiting for the other shoe to drop?"
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:15 am

"Sounds wonderful to me," Draco's cheeks flushed a little at the closeness Sam provided, but he wrapped his arm back around Sam's waist as well. It was nice to have this type of natural comfort and hoped that Steve and Calla would soon get that.
~+~
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PostSubject: Re: Left Behind But Not Forgotten -CW RP    Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:39 am

It had been quite a while since he had a call about unwanted or unknown company at his border. Reports were that this person moved like him, like a cat, but was smaller with red hair. She was good at keeping herself out of distance, but didn't cause any trouble. He was sure his villagers would throw a fit if they caught her, however. Knowing just who he was dealing with, he wanted to go meet her face to face instead. It was the best way to coax out an animal.

So after giving orders for no hostile attacks, he headed for the healing room where he knew Nyah would be waiting for Bucky to do their session of the day. She was alone, getting ready to make tea. "I am sorry to interrupt. I know you were about to have a session with Barnes." He bowed his head a bit in apology when she looked at him. "I have a Widow Spider that bit off a bit more than she can chew. Would you like to accompany me?"
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