Avengers - Civil War AU - Kintsugi Golden Repair - ABANDONED

"Steve isn't broken with Bucky here," Kerica pointed out, "Bucky is his glue. I see how happy he is. It makes me jealous. I can't make him happy like that. I joke and snark but I'll never be able tomake him nearly keel over with laughter. They...also love each other so much. They couldn't keep their hands off each other that first night and were giving each other bedroom eyes. I want that..."

"You misunderstand." Nyah sighed and looked at Kerica. "The point that I /am/ trying to make is that you compare yourself to others too much. You and Steve can't see each other for who /you/ are. Bucky is not you. Peggy Carter is not you. Yet you treat Steve like these are the only two people in the world he's going to care about. You refuse to let him have the dignity of his choice. You tell him that it's wrong to chose you without even saying a word." She glared heatedly at Kerica. "The way I'm seeing this, is that you have two choices before you. You can die. You can die a painless and washed up death that no one will envy. Pass your life on the sidelines without holding out your hand to a person that needs to hold it the most. Don't impact your life on others' because they didn't need you. Let your fear rule you over until you're nothing. You can cross the river of "should have, could have, would have" if only you had the time. You wasted life on the sidelines, and you'd just waste death in the same matter. You wouldn't even try to explore the other world, you would just huddle and wait." She twisted her fingers into the bed sheets. "Or you can start doing something. Start getting off that damn wall, start talking to Steve like a person and about the near past instead of the distant one. Start holding your hand out like a lover than a guide dog, start treating yourself like a person than a thing. Start looking at people in the eye and calling them out on their bullshit. Start acting on your feelings because for the love of god there's no fucking time." She slapped her hand on the bed, hard. Her breath coming out ragged as she looked at Kerica furiously. Tears already prickling her eyes. "Forget, regret." She sang softly. "Or life is yours to miss." She watched her before sinking down in the pillows, looking away and staring off into space. "You might be able to afford to miss it, Kerica. You might even be able to afford to waste death too. But will you? Or will you start taking chances?"

After about two minutes, Nyah's door closed softly with a click.

~*~

Sam was just minding his own business, trying to find /something/ to do, when he heard running footsteps in the hall behind him. Looking over, it was just on time to see brown hair fly by. Darting to see what was going on, he ended up bolting to try and catch her, and either she had been running for a while aimlessly, or he was faster than her.

Catching her arm finally, he jerked her back and was floored when he turned her around and saw tears running down her face. "Kerica, baby girl, what's wrong?!"

"If I tell you, you'll just tell me the same thing Nyah and Wanda did," Kerixa choked and hiccuped.

"Then you'll have to tell me what they said, too, so I can tell you something different," Sam said firmly, slinging his arm around her shoulders and leading her somewhere more private.

So she did, trusting Sam. She told him all of it, from feeling abandoned after the fight, to Steve's cheek kiss when she got there and how she wanted it to be more. How she had been so happy to see everyone together but she still felt like a ghost. Then her talk with Wanda watching him, Steve, and Bucky, how she felt and then Wanda's response. The last two days had been an improvement but then she explained hers and Nyah's conversation.

At the end of her very long tyrade, Sam finally spoke up. He hadn't had someone spill their guts out to him in a long time, since his PTSD group. That was what this was. "You have been wronged in the past and that has shaped your thoughts. Your father is a workaholic, so you grew up alone and when you were left in America with him, you fell back into your same old habits. You are told everything that is wrong with you and what you're doing - or rather, not doing - and yet neither Wanda nor Nyah told you /how/ to fix it." His eyes softened as she nodded vigorously, still crying, but it has slowed down.

"How do I get closer to Steve? How do I make him happy? How do I act like a lover? I don't know anything about dating. How do I give him my heart? I certainly can't take his and keep it safe when I am such a mess," Kerica sobbed, wiping he eyes yet again.

"Understand two things...Peggy and Steve aren't even an issue and I don't know why you think it is. He had his dance with her, and when she was buried his feelings were buried with her. Shannon was more of a thank you and like he said, she deepened it. It is all one sided on her end. I know that bothered you even when you said it didn't," Sam patted and gripped her shoulder firmly, "The other thing is Bucky is not a threat to your relationship with Steve. Buck and Nyah are even starting to be a thing, and so eventually Steve will back off. Steve cares for you, he does. You missed his dumbfounded look when he saw you at dinner the other night. He /liked/ what you were wearing. He /liked/ how beautiful you looked. His and Bucky's bedroom eyes are leftover feelings they were denied for /years/. Let them have their moment, it'll calm down."

"I know..." she sniffed, "I know I am overreacting. I am happy for them."

"Yet you feel left out," Sam nodded, "Perhaps instead of avoiding Buck, though, get to know him and maybe instead of being jealous you'll love him like Steve does. That would definitely make Steve happy to see you two getting along and following those same lines, you'll figure out their personal humor." He smiled gently and tipped his finger under her chin, "It's going to be okay. It's normal for those who haven't dated to freak out a bit, honestly. I know Steve went on double dates with Bucky back in the day, but of course he always sounded frustrated because he wasn't 'handsome' like Bucky was. I'm telling you this in confidence, by the way."

Kerica shook her head, "I wouldn't be so shallow, and I know you are. I like Steve for Steve, that's what I've been trying to say."

"Calm down, I know that," Sam shushed, "To your other questions. To get closer to Steve is to get closer to his friends, which you've done so far save for Buck. You're worried about not being strong enough? Then keep training. You did a great job knocking Scott on his ass the other day! I told Steve all about it and Scott's been sulking. Keep doing that. He doesn't want a weak dame by his side, and you're far from it but you don't /believe/ you are. All the women he's gotten close to even remotely have been the independent type, like Natasha. So /believe/ in yourself. If you believe in yourself, the rest will fall into place, Kerica. How you think and feel is not just in your face but in your body language. How you talk, how you walk. Natasha is so sexy because she's so confident, you know?"

Kerica blushed, "Yeah, yeah she is."

"Think positive. Focus on what you /can/ do rather than what you can't. I /know/ it sounds hard and at first it is, but thinking 'I am a great shot' rather than 'Clint's more accurate than me' is just..." he grinned when she laughed even if it was soft and watery, "See? Yeah, just like that. Everyone's a terrible shot compared to Clint, though we are all good at something. When was the last time you fired your sniper rifle or your pistols? Go to the range, take a break from hand-to-hand. I'll even join you if you want, keep you company, because that's what you are, too, you're lonely."

Kerica nodded, "Yeah...I would like that. Aren't T'Challa's ranges different here? I haven't seen those yet."

"Yeah, the sniper's nest is ballin', though I don't bother with it. I just shoot normal guns," Sam chuckled, "Anyway...your next question...how do you be a lover? I see you read romance novels, how come you can't apply that to real life?"

"My romance novels are like...instant attraction fantasy type ones, they're a bit exaggerated," Kerica shrugged, "Not the best advice in the world when one of the first things a guy does in a book is kiss the chick he saved."

"/Oh/. Well. Okay," Sam shook his head, "Point taken. Well, to be Steve's lover...is to give him space when he needs it, but even when he looks prickly and has his bitch face on, sometimes it's more he's lost in his thoughts and a soft, gentle touch might be what he needs to bring him back to reality. I usually just clap him on the shoulder and say something sassy. You could hug him, coax him 'a penny for your thoughts?' or something like that. Steve likes to talk if you let him." Sam smiled, "Do things you both enjoy together. Read in the same room like the lounge instead of in your own rooms. Ask T'Challa for suggestions on art shops you could go to in his City, or hell /any/ kind of shop. We're all due for a break to the real world, anyhow. Usually we go out once or twice a week, to keep suspicion down, but if it's just a two-man group then that's nothin'. Do you know how /easy/ you two would blend in if you went on a date together? A lot better than the rest of us, that's for damn sure."

Kerica's face grew hotter, and her face had been red from tears before but now she was just blushing like a tomato, "I do want to go on more dates with him. I want him to call me his girlfriend...you do know that..."

"Every time when we'd joke about you being his girlfriend and he denied it that hurt, too?" Sam smiled, reading her mind, "I think he's getting used to the idea as well, but this is a two way street. Drop more hints of your own. I know flirting isn't your thing but you watched Natasha, you can flaunt what you got without being slutty."

She giggled, "Yeah...that's true. I need to go shopping soon. The amount of things my father and I brought wasn't really a whole lot, only the invaluable we couldn't replace. At least the house in America is always ours so if...when...this is all over, we can go back home without a worry."

"Oh, that's really good, I didn't know that. Totally, we need to all plan a shopping trip," Sam's nod was vigorous, "So, to give him your heart you have to mend it a little yourself first, and give him the key to the box you put it in." He shrugged and stood, "How about the shooting range now? You have enough advice you can actually use now?"

Kerica followed suit, sniffing and wiping her face one more time before she gave him a firm nod, "It's a start, and I really appreciate it, Sam."

"You should've come to me a long time ago, kiddo, but I'm glad I was able to help," Sam grinned and put his arm around her again, showing her the way.

~*~

A day later, Bucky was settled in the sniper's nest. He'd finished prepping and was just looking through the scope to try and find his first target. They were red paint balloons at varying distances with different obstacles, not to mention the weather currently outside. It was windy, and he liked the challenge of judging how to adjust so he'd still hit his goal. His body was tense still thinking about Kerica, since he hadn't found her anywhere yesterday and after dinner she went drinking with Scott so he didn't want to intrude on that, either.

Taking a breath, he found the first one about fifty yards away, and he adjusted and breathed deep, letting his mind go blank except for the calculations. as he went to pull the trigger, he jumped when it suddenly exploded.

What the hell? Had something flown by he didn't see and popped it? Shrugging, he moved to find the next one, at one hundred yards but hidden in a tree. He got this one easily, the paint spreading over the branches to be washed away by the next rain. There was a third at seventy he spotted by a rock, and this time when he hit it, it was one of those weird ones that the bullet passed through but all it did was spew like a fountain, the paint making odd patterns because of the wind. Loading to take another shot, he frowned when it exploded as soon as he looked through the scope. Well, damn. There had to be someone else here. Trying to beat them to the next one, he got a target at 150 yards, dangling off another tree tauntingly.

At two-hundred, he was beaten. A smaller one he snagged at two-hundred and thirty. It went on like this, almost every other one, until a target at five hundred, flapping around like a fish. He /saw/ the bullet from the other person whiz by it, and he took it. That was goal until they were replaced tomorrow, and he got out of his chair to go see who he had to work so hard against. It wasn't Hawkeye, unless he was extra bored he didn't want to use his arrows.

Going next door, he rapped on it and his eyes widened when he saw Kerica standing there as it opened, "Geezus, does Steve know you can shoot like that?!"

"He knows I dabble, but martial arts and pistols are my main. I can't carry around a sniper rifle with me, so I just practice at the range," Kerica beamed at him.

"I /have/ to tell him. That was pretty damn good. Hey, since we're out of targets, do you want to go train? There's still /plenty/ of time in the day," Buck offered.

"I have been wanting that, actually," Kerica nodded, "Let's go. Maybe we can put on a show for whoever else is there?" she smacked his arm playfully as they headed down the stairs.

"That sounds like an absolutely fantastic idea," Bucky snickered and before long they were kicking off their shoes and socks next to the blue matts on the ground in the training room. Wanda was there along with Steve, T'Challa, and Clint. The dojo doubled as an archery, and there were plenty of holes in the targets, all in the bulls-eye. Some of T'Challa's men were on the sidelines with ice-packs to their heads, so that was Wanda's doing. Steve and T'Challa were in front of a pitch black punching bag attached to a heavy-duty chain, and the blond looked absolutely giddy.

Bucky left Kerica to do her warm-ups as he jogged over to the lot of them, "Steve! Whatcha got there?! Oh my God, you will /not/ believe what just happened."

Steve stopped the conversation and looked over at Bucky, "Just a new punching bag that might be able to handle our weight and our punches without breaking the wall." He explained. "Though you look chipper. What happened?" He hadn't seen Bucky this hyper since before the war. It made him feel lighter and happier that his friend was able to emote so well. "I was going to spar but Wanda wiped the floor with everyone so, that's out."

"That's great! You've broken so many of those you have to have a world record," Bucky snickered, "Anyway, it's Kerica! I was just chillin' in the crow's nest and Kerica was almost able to out-pace me when sniping the balloons! I didn't even know it was her until we ran out of targets and I went to go see who it was. At first I thought it was Clint thinking he was bored with arrows."

"Me? Bored with arrows?" Clint sounded incredulous.

"Shut up, I know it was dumb thought," Bucky wrinkled his nose at him.

"You make me sound so awesome, Buck," Kerica's face was red.

"I didn't know you knew how to snipe." Steve blinked in surprise, looking at Kerica. "I know that you were a decent shot with the pistol. No where near as good as Nat though." If she could outsnipe Bucky, well...the Winter Solider was going to have a hard time trying to attack Kerica. Which made him feel both better and worse. He didn't want the Solider to think of her as a target. He'd rather have that branded on himself. "That /is/ awesome. Take the credit." He smiled warmly at her.

"I can't lug a sniper rifle around, at least the ones these days, or I'd practice more and offer that cover fire," Kerica explained, her chest swelling with pride, "Bucky must be the sniping version of Hawkeye then, if you're so surprised?"

"I covered that man's glorious ass back in the war, yeah I'm a damn good shot," Bucky put his hands on his hips, beaming.

Kerica laughed at Steve's snort and the way his ears tinted just a little pink, but he wasn't near a full blush, "Well, then, thank you. /Anyway/, aren't you getting distracted? We were going to spar."

T'Challa, who'd been listening and watching with high amusement, now looked intrigued, "You are going to spar with someone who could easily outmatch you?"

"Well...Steve's always holds back too much so I stopped asking him, it wasn't challenging enough," Kerica dropped the bomb.

"Ow. Steve, she called you boring," Clint drawled.

"I hear a challenge in that." Her silent approach made everyone turn sharply towards the voice. Nyah was dressed in her customary blue garb and mask, on her back was a spear strapped and a few daggers well placed. Steve knew there were more hidden in her garments. "Will I suffice as a sparring partner for you Steve? It may be she's not much of a challenge for you."

Steve was pretty certain there was a cat fight going on. He was also pretty certain, judging from the look on Kerica's face, that there was something /real/ deep going on in this challenge. "She's a pretty good challenge." He said after a moment. "I tend not to know my own strength sometimes."

Nyah merely nodded her head. "So I'll take you on. After they try to impress us with their fighting abilities. I'm certain we will not be disappointed in the outcome."

Kerica frowned, but she didn't want to be knocked down. Starting a spar on good vibes was better, even if they ended up otherwise. So she looked at Buck and jerked her head towards the mats, "What are you waiting for?"

Buck glanced between Kerica and Nyah, not quite liking how hard her brown eyes looked, but he had been the one to offer, so he walked away from Steve to get into a good position on the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, he took note of everyone getting into a comfortable position, be it in a chair, on the floor, or against the wall. Focusing back on her, he smirked a bit, "Ready?" With a nod from her, he didn't mind starting first, setting it all into motion.

It was hesitant at first instead of full-blown. Testing the waters, observing how the other moved. Kerica picked up her pace at random intervals and threw harder punches and faster kicks, Bucky having to jump to do the same to block and dodge. Kerica only deterred one punch so far, when she noticed he blocked with his metal arm first and she would've definitely broken something. That allowed Buck an upperhand to try and grab her, but she was slippery and dropped out of her jacket, swiping her legs under him but he rolled into a new stance when she tripped him.

Tossing the jacket to the side he upped his own game, and it was becoming more like a game of cat and mouse. Kerica would easily dance out of his reach, and knowing he was like a tree, she went for ways of taking him down that were indirect, getting behind him, going for his weak and open spots, seeing through him that even his fights with Steve were overlooked. She fought like Nat, but at the same time it wasn't.

"Twinkletoes," he blurted randomly, causing her to give him an odd look as she slithered her body out of the way of another punch, the force of the punch causing her hair to breeze by her nose.

"Dancing has it's advantages," Kerica hummed in response, "I was a part of the dance team in school, and I like to dance by myself in my room often. Nat and I would also dance together."

"No fucking wonder," Buck laughed and they traded a series of hand-to-hand strikes, but he noticed the scar trailing the outside of her left forearm. Weakpoint. Instinct told him to use it to twist her arm behind her, but Steve would be /beyond/ pissed, so he just ducked when she used a high-kick and jumped back.

"You have a little fancy footwork yourself, but it's rusty," Kerica pointed out.

"Been a long time since I've had a partner," Buck shrugged, grunting as she whirled around his flesh-arm and struck him in the chin, his teeth clanking together. He grabbed her back and as she used her legs to hook and pull, they tumbled onto the mat and he ended up on top of her, "Not sure this type of dance is appropriate," he joked, but she kneed him right in the gut and he rolled off and onto his feet, but he was shocked when she got /faster/ and more direct, as if her claws were out. Did he hit a nerve?

"Don't tease me like that," Kerica hissed at him, and Buck noticed her voice had lowered.

Catching a hand and twisting her so he had her back against his chest, he muttered in her ear, "Wish it was someone else?"

Jamming her heel into his toes, elbowing his chest, and slamming her head into his nose, he immediately let her go, his nose bleeding.

T'Challa watched as things got a lot more bloody, at least on Buck's end. He was getting ripped to shreds, only able to block as she furiously attacked him, scratching and clawing, and he held his chin in thought. Just maybe...ah, but /that/ would have to be taken care of somehow...

Kerica's fight suddenly left her and she collapsed onto her knees, breathing heavily and Bucky's eyes were wide, and he wiped his nose, his super-soldier healing already got it taken care of. He knelt down in front of her and frowned, "Hey, you okay? I'm-" and he got socked right in the jaw, his balance knocked away and he fell onto his back.

Kerica wobbled as she stood up and walked away, grabbing her jacket with a swipe of her hand and barely got her feet in her shoes, and left the room.

"Buck, what did you /say/?" Clint gaped. What the fuck just happened? "I've seen her fight a bunch of different ways, but never like that."

Nyah watched Kerica storm out of the room. She had been impressed by the way that they moved together, a dance in it’s own right to the song of their souls as the background music. However, Clint was right. Bucky did say something that made the song turn into something else completely. The rhythm didn’t leave, but the attitude sure as hell changed. “Steve I pity you.” She looked over at the Captain who was looking worriedly at the door.

“Pity me for what?” Steve asked looking at Nyah, wondering if she was seriously going to use Keri’s departure as a way to goad.

“That you are in love with an coward.” Nyah clicked her tongue. “She fights well. Cowards usually do, and run away afterwards. Which she did.”

"/Nyah/," Bucky groaned as he finally managed to get himself up off the floor, and he looked at his Intended firmly, "Dunno how she pissed you off, but I struck a cord. Think maybe she's not ready to voice her anger in a room full of friends? That was /my/ fault. Chill out." He poked at a deep scratch, "She's not a coward."

Steve could see a flash of hurt cross Nyah’s face. Steve had a bad feeling about this and he quickly stepped into the lines before Nyah could open her mouth. “We were going to spar.” He reminded her. “I don’t think that requires words, does it?”

He watched her fists shake and he was certain that her teeth was starting to grind. Steve recognized this look. It was the look he would wear when someone was patronizing him. When someone fought him with humor. He watched her walk over to the mats, undoing her weapons. It was clear she was laying them out in respect, for Steve was certain that if she was alone and no one was watching her, someone would be filled with daggers and her spear would definitely be hitting a window.

He looked at Bucky, “I think you managed to get on her hit list.”

"I'm okay with that, because Kerica is /my/ soulmate. /I/ will deal with her. I told Nyah we'd argue, because that's what couples do. First one is usually the hardest," Buck was bothered by it, yes, but his face was determined, "What I said was a little personal." He explained, knowing Steve would get it.

Steve could only sigh. "I'm starting to feel like I'm a therapist in marriage counseling. I owe Sam about three drinks after this." He walked onto the mats, kicking off his shoes. He didn't know what personal thing he said to Kerica, but he was certain that it wasn't something that she appreciated. He looked at Nyah who was standing, waiting. "So...in your culture, how do we begin a spar?"

“Cross you arm like this,” Nyah lifted her right arm in a diagonal position like she was going to go for a quick karate chop. “And touch my forearm with mine.” Steve repeated the gesture and he got close to her, touching their arms together. It only took a second before they leapt away from one another like it had burned them.

Steve and Nyah circled around each other, trying to determine who would make the first move. Steve was the one who decided he had enough and went forward to hit her. Nyah brought both arms together in a block, and the moment that she did that, Steve had assumed she would go backwards.

Instead she continued forwards and slammed her elbows into his shoulder. He punched her in the side just as she was trying to hammer fist him near his neck. They both broke apart, feeling the other’s blow and damn Steve never had someone hammer fist him /that/ hard before as Captain America. It /hurt/. However, there was no time to rest. Nyah came back on him and Steve blocked her attack.

If Bucky’s and Kerica’s fight could be called a dance, this was like putting two animals together and seeing what would come out of it. Neither of them were holding back, and both of them relentless in their actions. Nyah never backing away unless she could come forward again and Steve being forced to be quick with his dodges and steps.

It was alleyway street fighting. It was dirty and bloody and looking for the quickest way to end it. Steve was good at the rough and tumble, but mostly because he didn’t have a choice since he was beaten up so damn quickly without a way to defend himself. Nyah was suffering bruises and he could see her mask turning dark with blood from how often Steve went for her face. He had to hold back /some/ otherwise he’d shatter her jaw.

Steve on the other hand wasn’t looking like a picnic either. His bruises faded the moment they came, but there were times where Nyah’s nails caught his skin and /ripped/. His face might be clear of a lot of blood and damage since Nyah didn’t dare go for his face, his height too much of a disadvantage for her to even try, but if he had asthma or any type of chest pain or even a weak stomach, he would be done for. His feet were also starting to get sore from how often she’d stamp on it.

“What happened between you and Kerica?” Steve asked as he blocked a punch that she was tossing, grabbing her wrists and was about to try to pin her down on the ground and force her to give up the fight.

“None of your concern.” Nyah retorted, dropping her shoulder and grazing Steve’s knuckles with his own hold. It forced him to let go that much quickly because ouch.

Steve backed away, but Nyah was on him again, tossing another jab at his chest. He kicked her foot from underneath her and she fell sharply on her back. He pinned her down and it became a game of not who can get hurt, but who could escape. Nyah was definitely not allowing herself to be captured, wiggling and attacking, biting and clawing with something akin to desperate.
Steve couldn’t hold her down for too long due to how fast and relentless her attacks were. To be honest, he wasn’t even certain if they were sparring or actually fighting anymore. The line somewhere was blurred. Steve was pretty certain that Nyah didn’t even know where the line was anymore. They were slowing down however. Nyah couldn’t keep up with Steve on the ground, and Steve was holding her, pinning her in different ways. She was also very weak still and so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when she suddenly just…stopped. They both just froze, exchanging ragged breaths.

Nyah was looking at him, blood in her mouth and nose. Her breath practically wheezing. It took him back to the time where Bucky would be hovering over him, asking him if he was okay. Wheezing, bloody.

“You had me on the ropes.” Steve said after a moment.

Nyah closed her eyes and nodded her head, swallowing. Steve carefully helped her into a sitting position before he helped her stand. She caught her bearings and she looked at him. She let her arm back out in the diagonal and Steve looked at it wearily. “I’m not going a second round with you.”

“To say we’re done.” Nyah replied. “You start and end with this.”

Steve looked at her and repeated the gesture. He watched her limp over to her weapons, kneel and cough loudly. He walked over and knelt down helping her gather her weapons. “Nyah…”

“Do not.” Nyah looked at him. He could see that she was tired. Weary. The fight that she came into passionately was now just filled with exhaustion. “Let this be a good moment.”

Steve closed his mouth and Nyah stood up. She took off her mask, and he could see a split lip, a horrible bruise on her jawline, and he was certain that if she opened her mouth, blood would just spill. he was quite certain he managed to knock a tooth loose at the very least.

“You fight like I fight. It’s nice.” Nyah said with a smile. “It’s a shame I can’t go longer with you.” Bitterness. “I would have liked to know what your limit was..or is.”
“Do you fight hand to hand often?” Steve asked curiously.

“No.” Nyah looked at Steve in the eye. “We don’t play with our victims the way some people do. It brings a bad taste in our mouths.” She looked at the spear in her hand. “I should be feeling a little ashamed. But at the same time I can’t help but to feel proud.” She smiled suddenly, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. “I…fought you with everything that I had. But I’m certain that if this was a different type of spar…we would see another outcome.” She placed her spear a way. “I still pity you.”

“I’m starting to pity you.” Steve replied and instead of anger or a tongue lashing like he was expecting, Nyah didn’t grace him with an answer. She merely gave him a flash of a smile, before she walked away, coughing and spitting blood into her hands.

"Kerica's and my fight was pitiful compared to whatever you guys just did. That was not boring. You /do/ hold back with Kerica if she called you boring," Bucky rambled. He was sure Nyah didn't want to talk to him so he watched Wanda go after her instead to make sure she got medical attention. The little witch girl had been quiet the whole time anyway.

Steve stayed silent for a moment and he looked at Bucky. "You and Kerica made me jealous. I can't choreograph a fight like that, even if I wanted to." He looked at Bucky. "I held back too much with Kerica, it's true. I don't think I will next time."

"If Clint's seen Kerica fight in a hundred ways, you'll be the hundred and one. Even I can tell how that one will turn out. I offer a suggestion - learn to dance first. Or not. It's a passion of hers, though, like art is to you," Buck shrugged.

T'Challa walked over to Steve and Bucky, "Kerica is like a cat. She reminded me of myself, if I am to be honest with you. I would enjoy seeing you two fight with her, so let me know any time you have plans to do so."

Buck grinned, "I can do that! Honestly I'd rather have more of a fun tone to our fights rather than an angry one. I believe that was just the tip of the iceburg."

This should definitely make Kerica happy. Steve smiled, "Of course we will." He looked at Bucky. "We have some time before dinner. I'm not helping you out this stickler by the way."

"To the end of the line my ass," Bucky laughed heartily and patted Steve's back, "That's fine, that's fine. I'll wait until she's cooled off and isn't bleeding everywhere, anyway. If she's not at dinner, I will take her food."

"A good way to butter her up." Steve said with mock solemnly getting a punch in the arm. "Jerk."

"Punk."

~*~

The crickets were playing a song in the forests as well as other nighttime birds and frogs that were happy. The air was warm with a bit of a cool breeze that wafted through the open window. The smell of water, damp earth and vegetation made her close her eyes as she leaned her head against the window frame. She curled herself up, both feet on the window sill. She was still having a hard time breathing, coughing every once in a while to the point where she could taste faint blood.

The moon was really pretty too. Half. about to be full or new, Nyah didn’t know. The moonlight scattered it’s silver rays over the jungle, drenching some of it in more shadows and shining the light on the leaves. The jungle looked mysterious, trantizlling like this. The moonlight also went across her bedroom, touching the floors with it’s small light. The shadows a little long though the light was dim from her bedside table.

She shivered, her nightgown thin and barely covering much. The straps barely there on her shoulders and the dress practically see-through. Maybe she should have invested in doing a nightgown that had a bit thicker fabric. At the same time, this was the jungle and waking up damp and sweaty was /not/ a good idea.

She was brought of her thoughts to a knock at the door. Teresa already had told her good night, and went off to dinner with the rest of the group. Nyah, despite that she knew her anger wouldn’t do her any good, couldn’t bring herself to sit down and try to face people. She debated. She could turn off the light, pretend to be asleep. She could ignore and hope they wouldn’t come. But all of those were petty and she wouldn’t dare associate herself with the word “Coward”.

“Come in.” She said, looking back into the jungle. “Watch your step it’s a bit dark in here.”

Door creaking a little bit, Bucky slipped inside, and he closed the door with his foot, hands full with the plate of food he had, "I come bearing an offering of peace?" he tried to joke, stepping into the moonlight and held it out for her to see.

Nyah looked over her shoulder and she felt stomach rumble. She relaxed her shoulders and gently gestured over to the day chair that was by the window. She got off the sill and went on the other side of the room to grab a small table that wasn't used for anything besides decoration and dragged it over to the window. "It's a nice night for star gazing." She offered her own peace treaty. "You're welcome to stay."

Bucky heard but didn't register her words for a second as he stared at her. his mouth going dry and his body hot. The shadow of her figure as she moved...she was very sexy. Shapely in all the right places, but smaller than her normal clothes would suggest. It finally clicked what she said and he shook his head swiftly before sitting down, setting the plate on the table, "You look lovely in green."

Nyah tucked a strand of her hair over her ear shyly and she looked at him. Despite that she was angry and hurt, she couldn’t help but to feel happy. Happy that he was looking at her. “It’s my favorite color.” She admitted after a moment of silence. She didn’t get back on the windowsill, but grabbed another chair from where the table had come from and dragged it over. “Do you want me to turn on the lights or is the dimness alright?”

"I like this. It's romantic, sitting in the moonlight," Buck cooed and gave her a gentle smile, "I'll wait to ask you the hard questions when you're done eating, okay?"

"To put pressure on yourself or just to save yourself from me throwing a knife at you?" Nyah questioned as she sat down on the chair, folding her legs up on the chair so that she could gain some height. The dress went up a little her thighs and it gave a nice sneak peek of what was underneath the skirt. She didn't seem to notice, nor care, already busy going after what she wanted on the tray.

Bucky didn't want to assume that was on purpose, but he did shift and kept his eyes firmly fixed on her face after that. Teasing was one thing, taking action was another. "Neither, I'm being courteous that way we won't have any obstacles in our way. I don't want it to be a fight, I want us to talk about it. As Kerica and Steve are showing us, not talking about it would get us nowhere."

"I was teasing you." Nyah gently said as she swallowed her bite of food. She thought about what else to say, but she knew that Bucky was the one that was going to steer the conversation. "But I can agree to it. So, something lighter till then."

"I enjoyed yours and Steve's brawl," Bucky complimented as the first thing that came to mind, "He and I agreed not to spar a while ago, just in case it triggered either of us, so it was nice seeing him tangle with someone who could give him a run for his money."

"It was an enjoyable fight." Nyah smiled, highly pleased as she took another bite. "It is almost a shame he's not one of us, but he wouldn't make a very good Atrum. Too good." She shook her head happily. "He is not afraid to use whatever he needs to, to win, so he earns a good amount respect from me, from all of us, for that."

"He's always been a little shit that way. Good heart to keep him from getting too dirty, but very cunning and knows what he wants," Buck nodded, "When you gave him a challenge he couldn't say no even if he wanted to. I swear he'd get into fights on purpose as a kid."

"He most likely did." Nyah's smile faded a little. "He wouldn't say no to any challenge." She started to play with her rice bowl. "He is..." she wondered if this would be considered a hard topic to stray away from and decided to play it safe. "A topic that may be best saved for later. After all, perhaps it is /you/ that may throw the knife at me."

"They are called tongue daggers for a reason, but I understand. Speak plainly when you're finished with your food," Bucky promised, "No knife-throwing should happen tonight, literal or figurative. Another light topic. In spite of your pissy attitude, what did you think of my spar with Kerica? It kind of leads to my next question."

"You're deadly. If she is compared to a cat, then you're a snake." Nyah replied, chasing down a pea that did not want to stay down on her fork. "You have some the Soldier's cunning, but you were able to hold back." She looked him in the eye and held his gaze for a moment before saying honestly, "I would love to tangle with you, though admittedly that is mostly because I want to know if you'd fight me or try to have sex with me." She grinned at her bluntness and the pinks on his cheeks. "It was seductive watching you."
Bucky's returning grin was a bit feral, "That is honestly how I wonder Steve and Kerica's spar session will go down, once they've gotten over their block. Or before, that would be kind of a shit storm like it was with you two. Not mad at one or the other, just mad, because they won't talk. Harsh scratches met with a split lip," he motioned to her own, "I doubt he'd ever damage her as badly, though." he tapped his chin, "So you thought I was a seductive snake, huh? I would enjoy tangling with you just as well, but after Kerica, I want to know...do you know how to dance? Or were you...too sick to learn? I'd enjoy tangling in a different way, besides sex and fighting."

"I know a little of dance. It's a good way to connect to people and a way to learn how to keep your balance. Sword work and knife work requires good footwork and balance, so...dance." Nyah explained, his feral grin sending a heat wave through her bloodstream, but keeping it cool. "I can tell you were a dancer. You were a charmer to all the ladies I'm sure." She finished off the vegtable bowl and went to the second one. The rice bowl was half-way empty. "Do you wear bracelets by chance, or do they annoy you?" It was a seemingly random question, but Nyah had forgotten that she wanted to ask this the moment he accepted that he was hers.

"I suppose...if it's not loose, or doesn't dangle in any way, I would wear one. I wouldn't want it getting ripped off or in the way," Buck replied honestly after a moment of thought. "It makes me happy you know how to dance. Some of the words we exchanged, Kerica told me my fancy footwork was a bit rusty." He purred a bit in his next line, "I'd like to brush up with you as my partner."

Nyah's cheeks reddened and she felt herself get a little wet from the purr and the sly look on his face. The moonlight only enhanced his features and she found it to be unfair. Maybe it was a good thing she was wearing a thin-nightgown. "Maybe." She replied, winking. "I might have to ask for payment in kisses considering I wouldn't just do it for free."

"I have yet to kiss you good and proper, so I wouldn't be opposed," Bucky settled back in his chair, the sly expression on his face never left. This was something he hadn't done in a long time, but it felt so natural. He supposed he should be put off by it, like he was before, but once he accepted they were meant to be, even if he still felt it was a little rush, he relaxed and just let whatever happen happen.

Nyah straightened herself up, enjoying this little game. She liked how easy it was to just...play. To tease and be teased back, even if there wasn't a promise. "Maybe, if the night ends well, you should give me a demonstration of what I should expect."

"Challenge noted and accepted," Bucky nodded, He watched her take her last bite, and he leaned forward again, swiping his hair behind his ear, "So...let's just start with what you wanted to say before. Steve is what?"

Nyah piled the bowls so it'd be easier to carry on the tray and moved them to the side. She leaned forward, crossing her arms on the table as she thought about how she wanted to say this. Kerica, didn't seem to want to believe her, and she wasn't sure how Bucky would take this either. "Both Steve and Kerica have damaged souls. Note I did not say broken. I said damaged. Steve...do you know the saying "give me a hero and I will write you a tragedy"?"

"It sounds familiar, yes, and if I'm damaged then damn right he is. He watched me die," Bucky shrugged. He'd accepted it, it was fact, and there was nothing they could do about it.

"He...his bravery is his tragedy, Bucky." Nyah said, looking at the table and tracing a pattern on it. "If Kerica is a coward for letting fear rule her life, then Steve is an idiot because he refuses to let fear hold him back. The moment he feels fear, his reaction is not to get away. It's to fight and while that's sometime a good thing...it makes him weak. He has PSTD, he has depression I see it in his eyes and how he looks at you and Kerica. Though you are the glue that holds him," she shook her head. "He will fall apart anyway. He will not talk about it. I know he hasn't. Sam probably suspects, and has tried, but Steve...he is stubborn. I see that from the way he fought me."

She looked at Bucky sadly. "And Kerica refuses to see that. It is one of the reasons why I'm angry. She sees her own pain and her own troubles, but Steve's troubles and his own problems are just..." she gestured helplessly. "How do you love someone like that? To see them blind? How can someone who soul reads so accurately...be so biased to Captain America, and not /see/ Steve in his suffering?"

"That, prekrasnyy, is where I believe your healing ends and mine begins. Are we not soulmates ourselves? Your powers are mine, and my powers are yours. We are fleshing them out right now, and eventually they'll be stronger," Bucky soothed, reaching out and taking her hand firmly, "Do not be angry with them. Wash it off your back like rain off of a bird's feathers. Kerica needs to get over herself first before she can notice his. I can help her with that, but first, Steve showed me something that I need to find the rest of the answers for and finish the damn puzzle. It'll cause hurt on both ends, but eyes will be opened. A little more training with Kerica to get closer, less of me being an asshole. Steve? The things you speak of I've known for ages and it is not news to me. It amuses me, really, to see your frustration, because I know how to play his game. I know how to make him talk that no one else can. Somehow, someway, I'm going to show Kerica those secrets and Steve won't know what hit him until he says something and goes 'oh shit' and then says 'fuck it' because he said one thing so why not go all in?"

"I didn't talk to him." Nyah shook her head. "I haven't said a word. He doesn't know I know. This all came from Kerica's conversation, and from what I read in his soul. If it's your wish, I'll back off." She told him sincerely. "But I am not helping you with Kerica if you want me in this. Steve I will handle. But not her. There's not enough kisses and sex in the /world/ as of yet to make me want to help her."

"That is alright," Bucky laughed softly, "I can handle that. You hand was to me, I did not even expect you to extend it to anyone else. I will hold my hand out to her like I have planned, but I need to tell her I'm sorry first," he shrugged, "Next week...once you're healed from being Steve's fleshy punching bag, we can do another Healing session?" he offered.

Nyah nodded her head and smiled a little. "That brings up the next topic of conversation. I'm not going to restrain you."

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, he let it out slowly through his mouth. It was no good to freak out, even if his stomach twisted. Last time had gone alright as well. "What is your plan this time around, then?"

"I'm going to wake you up somewhere else. The Solider asked me somewhere that wasn't cold and...restricted. So I'm thinking somewhere else in the palace." Nyah tapped her finger to her chin in thought. "I want him to associate places with warmth and safety. So I'm wondering if I should wake him up in here." She gestured to her room. "My room is warm, I have a window. He won't be restrained and there's no machines here so he'll immediately know that he isn't going to be harmed. He may be a little confused, however, the more times he's wakened up to places with no restraints and machines, the more I'm hoping that it'll sink into him that this is how it should be."

"Will...anyone else be with us? Kerica to say the words?" Buck asked, "Steve to restrain me if something goes awry? It may have been alright last time, but I am still not comfortable with myself. One time is not enough for that."

"Do you want that?" Nyah asked looking at Bucky with a serious expression. "I can have Steve at the door, but only to prevent escape. Kerica..." she sighed loudly. "Yes, she has to be there because I can't do Russian. Devil tongue." She reminded him. "English was hard enough to learn, as well as the random bits of Spanish Teresa tosses at me."

"I'll ask Steve if he'll be the bodyguard. I know he'll say yes, but it's common courtesy to ask," Buck let out another calming breath, "I know you're upset with Kerica, so we could always have her say the code words and then leave, if it makes you comfortable. She's not needed for anything else."

Nyah watched him for the longest moment, eyes searching. "It's your comfort, Bucky, that I'm more worried about than mine." She squeezed his hand and ran her thumb over the top of his hand. She got up from the chair and walked over to stand in front of him, not letting go and she leaned against the table so she wasn't sitting on his lap. Her free hand gently touched his cheek. "My anger with Kerica has nothing to do with your healing and I won't let it become an issue. She's your soulmate as much as I dislike it. She is someone important to you. If you need her, you need her and I have no say."

There was a compromise here and he'd find it. That could be taken care of later. "I have a question about Steve. I can't hide it from you, if we're to be like this. It makes me feel like a player. Steve and I are intimate with each other on and off. I want to know how you feel about it. I know you feel like you don't have enough time in the world, which I won't allow you to think I'm your last patient. Do you really think you get to tell me you're mine and then get to keel over? Nuh-uh. However, if it makes you feel better I'll let Steve know."

Nyah wondered what the right thing to say was. She let his hand go, but still kept herself in front of him and she looked at him. Her throat was constricted and she kept herself steady. "I'm starting to see why Steve survived for as long has he did. If you're so determined." Her voice wavered, but she didn't look away. She drank in how he looked in the moonlight. How the shadows enhanced his features, how the light from the small lamp caught the gleam of blue in his eyes. How both sinister and boyish he looked. How dangerous and cunning. "I won't let you stop seeing Steve because of me." She said to him after a moment. "I'm not that cruel."

"Steve would understand. I wasn't ever a one-lady sort of guy, so he might be disappointed but he'd ultimately shove us at each other and say 'now kiss!' And be happy when I do," he stood and he towered over her, his hand snaking out and catching her around the waist, "You don't care about what you want, but I do. So, what do you /want/, prekrasnyy?"

Nyah could only stare. He was warm against her, solid. He looked at her with eyes that told a story. Determination, honesty, loyalty. This was a man who came from fire, forged by it, and was learning how to cool himself. The way he held her waist instinctively made her press against him. His low lullaby of a song was turning into something a little less sedated. Just for a moment, the world disappeared. She took a breath and she caught the scent of gun smoke, salt. A strong, heady scent that lingered on his body and it made her close her eyes. Breathe it in. Don't forget it. She opened her eyes and continued, finding the words. "I want you to be happy and safe. I...wish I was healthier. I want to give you...so much." Tears started to fall down her cheeks but she smiled through them, suffering silently. "I want you to be loved. To feel it. To know that it's etched so deep in to your soul, Hydra or anyone who tried to make you into the Solider couldn't take it away. I want you and Steve and Kerica to be happy because they are your soulmates." She swallowed and looked away from his face. "You strengthen my resolve. The longer I'm with you the more in love I become. The more I start thinking about..." she trailed off and took a shuddering breath. "You is all I want. You make me happy."

"Then start making what I want, what you want. I want you to live for me, with me. I want to push passed this Healing with you in tact, and keep going to see what the world has in store for us," Buck gripped her hip, his metal hand taking her small delicate one and he moved them away from the table, "Do you think you can do that for me?"

Nyah smiled gently, her form relaxing. "When the healing is done and you are fine...I promise we will see what the world will have for us." It would be scary. She would have to talk to Teresa...see what she could do. The area here was highly advanced medically wise, and Teresa had told her that there options that she could take. She would just have to wait till the healing was done and over with so she wouldn't over-stress her body. She wasn't certain what option or roads there were, since she only got the gist of it...but Bucky only made her want it. And if he wanted to see the world for what it was, see what they could go across...she needed to be healthier. "I can do that for you..and more."

"Good. Right now, you can dance with me," Buck grinned, and he started stepping his feet too and from, a melody playing in his head and he could only deduce that he'd heard the song of old a million times in order for it to play so easily. The dance moves became easier as the minute passed, and he spun her out and then back in, her back to his chest, and he side-stepped with her, nuzzling her hair. Ballroom, waltz, whatever...he did a mixture of both, not really settling on one or the other, just what felt like fun.

Nyah laughed and followed his movements. She loved how he pressed her close, made her move and how his smile looked so carefree and so much pressure was off his shoulders. She enjoyed it when he would spin her around, making the small skirt of her nightgown pick up somewhat. He made her feel beautiful. Very close to royalty. When he would bring her to his back, pushing against her, she could practically melt in his arms and mourn when he would spin her away. He held her close, breathing in her scent and her breathing in his when they decided to sway together, close...tight. It was right then, in this moment, where Nyah could honestly say she fell harder for him. "I adore you."

"I am beginning to adore /you/ more and more, as well," Bucky told her honestly, "I used to sing, too, but I would have to find the right song to woo you with before I even trued to belt out a tune. Steve enjoyed when we'd sing hymns in church," he started when he remembered that, and then grinned. He would have to let Steve know he recalled something new, "We'd also go caroling in the wintertime." That was new, too. Steve will be bouncing off the walls.

"You have a good voice." Nyah smiled as he gave her a random spin and brought her close again. "When you find the song, I would love to hear it. I bet you singing on your guitar is a sight to be hold too."

He just let her face him for a time as they stepped around in circles, and he loved how her hair swirled around her body, framing her face, her eyes alight with her feelings. He brought them to a slow side-to-side and leaned his forehead down against hers, "This felt so nice. I missed dancing, and I didn't realize how much. Did you like it? I hope I didn't make you dizzy from spinning too much."

For once she decided to be brave. She cupped his cheek with her hand and leaned up just a little to kiss his mouth. His lips chapped, a little cool to the touch, and his stubble scratching at her face. She pulled away before he could respond, still close, forehead still touching his. "It's been a long time since I had a dancing partner. I love it."

"We should teach Steve how to dance..." the bright idea came to him, even as he was breathless, blinking wide eyes in wonder at her. He didn't let her reply, just dove his hand into her hair at the back of her neck and brought their lips together again. She'd been soft, but he was forceful, pressing deeply and angling his head for a more comfortable position, the arm around her waist tightening so she couldn't get away. Not that he believed she wanted to.

Nyah was shocked at the force that was behind the kiss, but it swept her up quickly. She wrapped her arms around him, clinging onto him like he suddenly threw her into a storm. Her hand that had been on his cheek was at the back of his neck, teasing at the strands of hair that was tangling themselves between her fingers. The other was also at his waist, moving to his back to pull him closer to her if it was possible. She wasn't sure who started what, but his tongue gently touched hers. It wasn't a passionate, lustful kiss, but one where both of them just let time pass them, let the world fade, and spin. It was a kiss where it was slow, getting the heart to beat a little faster, press a little closer. Adoring might have been a word they said, but this kiss..if any one of them was bold it say it, was filled with love.

()

It wasn't until Kerica made an offhanded comment the day before that everyone scrambled, realizing they hadn't been out to the city in at least two weeks, and Kerica's birthday for October 8th was the best time in the world. No one had a gift, no plans, and hell, half of them admitted they forgot it was /even/ October because there were only three Jungle temperatures. Fucking hot, tolerable, and chilled before, during, and after it rained. Kerica wasn't upset at all, and was actually just happy they were going to go out to have some fun.

So here they were. It was around one in the afternoon, they'd been there since ten, and Kerica was /still/ marveling at Wakanda. Everyone had split off in the library they had crossed and Kerica was looking at journals up at the front along a separate wall, "It's not a Barnes and Noble, but I think I might come here every time we're in town," she said to Steve who was pondering the fountain pens on a counter. Bucky was spinning the bookmarks and magnets stand, and Kerica swore she could see the wheels turning in his head just as much. Metal arm. Magnets. She had half the mind to tell him to walk away.

"Is it odd to say that I don't miss that bookstore but I miss half-price books?" Steve asked as he marveled at one of the fountain pens. It looked like green marble and the tip was old-fashioned. It looked neat for a calligrapher. Did Kerica know how to write with one? Maybe he'll come back later when Kerica was successfully distracted to buy her one. "Scott keeps telling me that it's one of Bucky and I's "pair" names they have on fanfiction about us. I have to admit, it's a lot better than 'Stucky'."

Kerica cleared her throat, "I can see where they're going with it. Though there are plenty of those fics where you are anything but /Noble/, Steve. You and Buck can be equally-"

"How many do you think I can fit on my arm?" Buck asked as he held several cat magnets up to his metal arm. Kerica had to cover her mouth to stifle a snort. She knew that'd happen.

"Bucky no." Steve looked over at his friend a little horrified. Bucky might not remember, but the last time there was a question about 'How many" it meant drunk nights, stupid decisions, and having to drag Bucky away from one of the Howlies before things could go to shit. And even though he did it...it somehow always went to shit anyway. Steve was /not/ the only troublemaker in that group, the textbooks were biased.

Nyah on the other hand was looking at the magnets with curiosity, picking one up and looking at what it said. "Maybe a hundred. If they were all the same size."

"Nyah don't-" Steve was about to tell her not to, but Nyah had placed the first magnet on Bucky's arm. "-encourage the troublemaker."

"Bucky hell yes!" Kerica clapped, giggling like mad. She smiled innocently at Steve's look of betrayal and she set the journal she'd been looking at to go over to Nyah and Buck, "This one's long and skinny, it'd fit on his-Bucky!" Buck had taken the magnet and placed it on his middle finger, flipping Steve off via a skinny Siamese cat.

"That poor cat." Was the only thing that Steve could come up with, "did not deserve the life that it is leading right about now."

Nyah laughed so hard, she was doubled over. "It is a magnet!" She choked. "It has no regrets being used on Bucky's arm."

"Now all we need is a metal board we can stick or hang to Kerica's door and we'll put all the cat magnets he manages to find on there," Clint hummed thoughtfully as he appeared next to Steve.

"Damn it Clint." Steve clutched his chest. "For some reason I was expecting you to climb out of an air vent not come up behind me." It was an idea though, to find all the cat magnets since Kerica adored them. Maybe that would be a better gift than a fountain pen? But knowing Clint, he already used that idea.

"If I got into an air vent I wouldn't climb out, it's hot like usual," Clint drawled easily and nudged Steve, "You've been eyeballing that same pen the last fifteen minutes, go buy it. You were waiting for a distraction, ya?" he whispered in his ear, hand covering his mouth.

Steve clapped Clint's shoulder before going off on his own to buy Kerica the pen. He really, really hoped that she would like it. He just hoped it wasn't too much of a lame gift.

"Magnets?" Wanda said as she approached the group. In her hands was a basket already filled up with about seven books and a brown paper bag that was clearly already bought and paid for. She noticed that Bucky's arm was getting covered with a lot of cat magnets and a few sayings that oddly had the words "stay calm" on them a lot. "I didn't think they would stick on the metal."

"Bucky wants to see how many he can put on his arm." Nyah explained as she coughed from laughing so hard.

"It's almost there! just a few more cracks to fill!" Bucky said cheerfully.

"You guys are going to get us kicked out." Steve came back with a paper bag in his hand and looking at Bucky with the "America is Disappointed in You" look that he managed to perfect in the USO tours. Of course, he wasn't surprised when Bucky stuck his tongue out at him. "You are a child."

"I need to take a picture of this," Clint had his phone out and was already snapping away even as the words left his mouth.

"You should send it to Sam." Wanda told Clint earnestly. "He would like a laugh."

"No do not send it to Sam." Steve looked horrified at Clint.

"Considering we have no idea where he's gone off to in this place, I think I will, just so we can locate him by his cackle," Clint's grin was evil.

"You have your codewords for that." Wanda smirked at Clint. "I believe it was "Caw-Caw?" and his response is to be or yours is "motherfucker"?"

Steve laughed at that.

"Do it, before Steve confiscates your phone!" Bucky cheered and Clint was already flying his thumbs on the surface of his screen.

There was an /immediate/ responce, like, five seconds later halfway across the store, Sam's voice "STOP CALLING ME CAW-CAW MOTHERFUCKER, AND WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME I WAS MISSING ALL THE FUN?! GEEZUS DO YOU HAVE A HUNDRED OF THOSE ON YOUR ARM?!" followed by the sounds of dying as Sam cracked up.

Everyone besides Steve roared with laughter and Steve just put his hands into his face and let out a loud groan. He couldn't take his friends /anywhere/.

They did get kicked out, but not because of Bucky. It was because Sam nearly busted a lung he was laughing so god damn hard he couldn't shut up. Kerica looked disappointed, but she had two bags full of supplies and books, most of which none of the others knew what all she grabbed. "That was worth it," she said happily, "Now all we're missing is a magnet board."

"There's bound to be another store that has it." He looked over to see that Bucky had pocketed about five of the magnets and he gave his friend a look, but didn't point it out. "Which direction do we want to go this time?"

"I vote for food!" Sam offered, "And drink, my mouth is dry from hyperventilating."

"That's your own fault," Kerica poked his side and giggled, "Okay, okay, let's go find a place to eat. Anywhere you'd guys would suggest? You have been living here for like, half a year."

"There was that cafe that is near by. The one that we were at when we were at stake out." Wanda looked over at Steve. "They had good coffee and the food was nice."

"Then let's do that. I didn't get to try it." Steve smiled gratefully at Wanda and looked at Kerica. "Sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect, an nearby is good, I shouldn't have gotten so many things at once, I was too excited," Kerica looked sheepish as she shifted her bags in her hands.

"Do you want me to carry some?" Steve offered quickly.

"U-Um..." Kerica knew there was little to no arguing with him so she offered him one, "This is the heaviest. Don't look inside, though!" she told him firmly.

Bucky found himself highly amused. Even on her own birthday she couldn't resist buying for others, could she? That was cute, and he was curious to know just what she'd scrounged up when they weren't looking.

"I promise I won't look." Steve gently took the bag and shifted it onto his hand. "So what direction do we go to to the cafe?" he looked at Wanda.

Nyah let out a sharp surprised yip and someone started walking passed them saying, "We're going down the road."

Wanda blinked for a moment for she was quite taken aback that someone was about to be helpful and was about to turn to Nyah and Kerica to say something when she realized, a little late, that Nyah was not with them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Steve shouted after the guy once the shock wore off and Nyah was /being carried off quite literally/ by a male. Why wasn't she attacking him?! Too worried? Too scared? Shit, fuck.

"Leaving you behind if you don't hurry up." The man shouted over his shoulder.

"Who are you?! Put her down!" Bucky was on his heels, and was about to reach for him when he noticed Nyah's face was red through her mask and her hand was over her mouth, stifled giggles reaching his ears, "Why are you laughing?!"

The man very nearly tripped when he realized that the super solider was behind him and looked over his shoulder in complete shock before looking at Nyah. "Did you know he's a fucking roadrunner?! Holy shit there's three of them!" Wanda and Steve were barely catching up to Bucky.

"They're going to tackle you to the ground if you don't stop." Nyah looked at the man who was carrying her. "One of us can't run that much anyway. Asthma."

"I was barely running I was walking briskly." The man retorted.

"My foot!" Bucky snapped at him from behind, "I don't want to hurt you, boy. Put her down!"

At that the man stopped in his tracks and spun around, still holding to Nyah. "Did you just call me a boy?"

"Oh my god." Nyah wanted to hit her head on something. "Why is /that/ your issue?!"

"His threat wasn't much of a threat. So I have to pick /something/." The man replied. "But I am /not/ putting Nyah down. You wanted to go the cafe right?"

"Bucky stop, wait." Steve quickly got to his friend's side and grabbed his shoulder. "You have to wait till Sam and Kerica can catch up. Clint too. He's not as young as us."

"Really?" The man perked up. "Damn he looks good then for his age. At least from what I saw behind."

"Draco." Nyah snapped. "No hitting on married people."

"Fuck my life."

Bucky glared deeply at Draco, "Why did you take her? Had I not seen she was trying not to laugh, I would have ripped you to shreds. You have no idea."

Draco nodded his head a few times as he set Nyah down. "My name is Draco." He placed his hand at his forehead in prayer and he let it go, like he was giving it to Bucky. "I'm one of the Atrum." He pushed his blonde bangs from his face, skin just as dark as Nyah's if not a shade darker. "I'm also her soulmate."

"Like Kerica and I? Friendly soulmate?" Bucky asked Nyah for clarification, reaching for her and bringing her close to his chest protectively, stepping back.

"Wanda...not...fair, you used your...magic," Kerica panted as she jogged up next to Steve, "I've got a bag to carry, too. What in the world is going on?"

Draco took one look at Kerica and his eyes went up and down and before Nyah could stop him, he made a purring sound before saying, "God you're hot."

Steve looked flabbergasted because /what/. He looked between him and Kerica and him again and managed to say, "Are you kidding me right now?"

"Annnd she's taken too." Draco snapped his fingers.

Kerica's face was flushed, "Scott and Sam's free but Scott's back at the compound and Sam doesn't swing that way. All of us are...taken by someone, even if we are not complete here." She referred to her witch friend in the last part.

"Don't sweat it sister." Draco gestured over to Nyah. "She's all I need. I just like to look."

"You think Scott swings that way?" Sam asked incredulously as he and Clint finally reached them, "He said he was straight."

"Sometimes I wonder," Kerica hummed.

"This is some group you got, gacaliyo." Draco looked at them approvingly. "Now that we're all friends here and no one's about to...tear me into shreds, you needed a guide?"

"He's okay," Nyah gently wrapped an arm around Bucky's waist and hugged him. "I known him since I was young. He won't do anything."

"I can't...be angry, because he doesn't know about me, but that really was dangerous," Buck nosed her mask and kissed her temple, "If you say he's safe then he's safe."

"Wanda was the one who mentioned the cafe, so that was where we were going. I certainly wouldn't mind a guide, I want to set this bag down," Kerica said casually.

"Then," Draco looked over at Nyah and Bucky and frowned deeply before shaking his head. "Follow me. We'll go down the yellow brick road, and we'll find that star that's second to the right and we'll get there in no time."

"Wizard of Oz and Peter Pan!" Kerica chirped with a wide grin.

"Yellow brick road, Steve!" Buck cracked a smirk of his own, "This road sure is dusty so it can pass for yellow."

"You are dorks," Clint only grunted, wiping his brow. It was too hot and he was too old for this.

~

Since it was so hot, the group managed to get a table indoors. The tables had to be pushed together in order to fit everyone, but it was comfortable. Draco sat across from Nyah while Nyah in between Bucky and Wanda. Kerica was on the other side of Bucky and Steve, then it was Sam who sat next to Draco and Wanda sat on the other side. Clint was the last one who decided to sit across from Steve.

Draco hadn't want to be /in/ the table perse, but he hadn't seen Nyah in forever. So when the offer was up, he took it without much thought. However, now that he was sitting down and listening to strained conversation, he was starting to see /what/ exactly Nyah was getting mixed up with.
Not one person that was sitting with him were bad. They were good people, with a lot of scars and damages. The healing that some of them were doing, was slow at best. His main concern, was the one that was sitting close to Nyah. Bucky, Draco believed that was his name. A soul that was so damaged, it looked like that it nearly split it into two. Of course the other person that he was worried about was the girl next to Steve. Her soul looked like it didn't know what up or down meant. It was vibrant in color, but small in shape. Meaning she didn't get out much.

For people with such damage in their souls, they were quite nice and were able to flow along with whatever came their way. Draco had to admit, he wasn't expecting it.

"You're right, Wanda, this really is great coffee," Kerica beamed at the Maximoff, "You done did good, girly."

"Now we're just waiting on our snacks, I hope my egg-ham sandwich is as good as I expect it to be, not the pre-made crap back in America," Sam commented.

"We call it crap but we eat it anyway," Bucky snickered.

"It's good crap, what can I say? So are cheeseburgers and pizza," Sam nodded.

"You guys do realize we can just make it from scratch and still have pizza and burgers?" Kerica arched a brow at them.

"It's not the same!" Bucky and Sam whined.

"Fast food is always addicting. It's a good thing they run, otherwise they would be too huge to do much good." Wanda commented with a teasing smile.

"It's not the same, you're right, but it'd be better if we get a damn good cook on the case. I certainly am not, but I'm sure T'Challa will be on it if we ask," Kerica giggled.

"They cook good steak here." Steve commented. "I think that's the only thing I'm worried about, and since that's not my issue, I'm not all that worried about food. Though I'm shocked that you like pizza the way you do Buck."

"You kiddin' me, Steve? Meat lover's all the way, or the Supreme, for damn sure," Bucky nodded enthusiastically.

"Aw, man, you got good taste," Sam complimented.

"I suppose even as your split self you gotta stop and try the pizza," Kerica was amused.

"Food is food, don't judge me," Bucky looked offended.

"That reminds me of an internet meme that became real. Apparently they're making pizza cheeseburgers. Or cheeseburger pizzas, I'm not sure which one." Steve shook his head. "So you guys get both for the price of one when we go back."

"That sounds awful." Wanda wrinkled her nose.

"Don't tease us that way!" Sam and Bucky chorus.

"Steve, you're going to make them die of hunger before they even get their food," Clint chided, though it had no weight to it, "Look at them, they're wasting away."

Kerica's face was red as she had both hands over her mouth, her whole tiny body shaking as Bucky and Sam both laid on the table to prove Clint's point.

"They deserve it." Steve said halfheartedly. "For getting us tossed out of the bookstore."

Wanda laughed. "It was Sam's fault for his laughter was the loudest."

"And Bucky's for not putting the magents back." Steve pointed out. "Believe me Wanda, they can handle this."

"We're turning to dust because of what we did," Sam pouted, "I regret all of my life choices. I just want a pizza cheeseburger now."

"Give me the cheeseburger pizza, I'll be good, Steve," Buck pleaded in turn.

"I'm dying, guys, this is too much! My sides hurt!" Kerica held her ribs as she cracked up.

"Steve, the birthday girl is going to keel over because of them," Clint looked forlorn, but he had his own hand over his mouth. This was pathetic.

"Is this why there is such a big group?" Draco suddenly broke into the conversation looking at Kerica with interest. "A celebration of sorts?"

"It's Kerica's birthday, yes, that's why we're all out together. We felt bad about forgetting so it was sort of a last-minute notice in order to run around and buy gifts. Hence why Steve mentioned the bookstore," Clint told Draco easily while Kerica was wiping her eyes of the tears and gasping for breath.

"Birthday." He looked at Nyah who merely shrugged her shoulders. "That is...interesting. You celebrate the day of birth individually?"

"Birthday Draco." Nyah rolled her eyes. "Not day of birth."

"Same thing." Draco waved his hand.

"It is an annual sort of thing," Clint smiled at Draco, taking it in stride, "Kerica's day of birth was October 8th 1992. She is twenty-four now, with a birthday each year on that day to celebrate making it another year."

"Why would you need that information?" Draco asked, looking at Nyah in complete shock before looking back Clint. "When you are born you are born and when it becomes the first of the year your age changes. That brings me to a good question." He leaned forward. "As an infant, are you a year old or are you months old? In our society you are automatically one till the next cycle of the year."

"Until they make it to the same day of their birth the following year, to which they turn one, we count a child's age in months," Clint agreed with amusement at his eagerness, "You don't become a different age at the start of the next year automatically, it's all based around the day you came into the world."

"That is too weird." Draco looked completely shocked. "What is the purpose of it? To have it be so exact? Why is the information important? The year I understand, age is important, but the date itself."

Steve and Wanda both shared a glance over the table as they listened into the conversation. Steve couldn't imagine living in a world that /didn't/ have a birthday that was individual. It was weird enough to hear that the infants were one automatically too.

"That's something I'm not sure how to explain, it's definitely a much older custom," Clint faltered, but it was alright, about three servers coming by in order to set down their plates of food, "If you know how to use the internet I'm sure you could google it."

"I think it is about as old as the three name thing." Nyah explained to Draco. Draco made a face but the conversation was paused so that the servers could come by and hand out food.

"What's another difference you guys find weird about us that is completely normal in our mind?" Bucky asked several minutes later after they all dug into their food, "Nyah's shown me the gestures and meanings for greeting, fighting, and farewell, along with all of the stuff she did when she greeted T'Challa last week. So far, you lot are very elaborate."

Draco laughed, "You have many." He hummed in thought. "This is more of an American thing than it is a world-wide one, but I think the one that strikes me weird is the way that Americans in particular do not touch and family is a bit weird too."

"PDA, you mean?" Kerica asked him, at his head tilt she continued, "Public Displays of Affection. Some people aren't comfortable with it, especially these days because of a bunch of issues going around. What used to be alright even twenty yeas ago is now taboo, what used to be taboo people are now all for it. It is confusing, and to those who just want to do what we want, it's hard, because we don't know the other person will agree. America today is...harsh. You have to play games and beat around the bush and it gives one a headache."

"See and it is not just affection. It is on the bus, it is on the plane, people stiffen and try to make themselves smaller. Like touch is dirty." Draco frowned deeply. "But the displays of affection also worry me. A kiss to you must be like having sex in the middle of the foyer from the reactions I see."

"To some it is, to others it isn't. It all depends on who you're around," Kerica shrugged, "The problems in America concerning touch are a lot bigger than I am. I can only give you a little bit of insight. Family is another matter entirely."

"Family is huge in our society." Draco scooted in closer so he could explain. "Mostly because we know that when we leave the village, there is a chance we may come across each other not so kindly." He shook his head. "But we live together. Our parents live with us, our siblings and their loved ones. We mostly band together about two families in a household. We take pride in our families. Every accomplishment, every failure it reflects on us. While that is the same as in your culture, I cannot help but to notice how children are treated and elderly."

"I have noticed that too." Wanda was frowning deeply as she looked at Draco thoughtfully. "I haven't seen very many families who can claim that they're tight-knit or close. Those who do, have their own ideas on what that means. My brother and I are very close to one another, and I noticed that many people would call it...unnatural."

"I miss Pietro," Kerica frowned, "As much as we're not talking to Tony right now, I hope he does fix that machine to heal him."

Wanda smiled sadly at Kerica and nodded her head, "So do I."

"Honestly, Draco? This is all the family we need. You don't need blood to make you tight-knit," Sam piped in.

Draco gave Sam a smile. "Which is why you are one of the few groups I find strange. Culture shocks are fun and all, but you all have a very interesting way of connecting with each other. You all share the same song. Three of you in particular are quite /loud/ like we're on Broadway and everyone else is the chorus."

"Do we /want/ to know which three that is?" Clint hummed around a bite.

"The beautiful girl next to the really hot boy from next door and his companion that needs a shave desperately." Draco answered.

"I like my scruff!" Bucky defended, petting it with both hands as if it was his little more than a 5 o'clock shadow that was hurt.

Steve couldn't help but to laugh. "I really don't know why, but I thought you were going to say something completely different about his looks."

"I don't like guys with long hair. That's Nyah's thing. I mean the longer the hair the more wicked her crush gets...ah!" Draco let out a shout of surprise when Nyah tossed a napkin at him. "It's true!"

"That's good to know," Bucky grinned and smirked at Nyah, "I'd only grow it just long enough to braid it for Wanda here, though. I'm curious to see how that'd turn out, forget how girly Scott thinks it'd be. I bet you I can rock it."

Draco leaned back in the chair, just watching how Nyah smiled and agreed with Bucky. The three of them might have had the loudest song in the /entire universe/ but he noticed how Nyah's expression changed with just looking at him. It made him both happy that she found someone that she was in love with and he was in love with her, but it also made him sad.

~

The time was up for their trip an hour and a little more shopping later, Clint getting that magnet board with Draco's advice, and even though it was a birthday gift she already expected, she was really happy with what he found. It was a blank white board about two feet wide and three feet long, so it would fit smack in the middle of her door, and it had a gold floral pattern on the top and bottom thinning down the sides, and large flowers at the top left and bottom right corners respectively, Kerica wasn't sure if they were carnations or roses, and they were a water-color fade of red and pink. Before they got to the meeting point where the two separate choppers would take them back to the palace, Kerica looked at Draco with a large grin, "Thank you for accompanying us! You should come by if you get the chance."

"It was nice to be among you." Draco brought his hands palms up and brought them to his heart. "It has been a while that I was able to be among lively comrades." He looked over at Nyah and walked over to her. He kissed her forehead. "You I will miss the most." He said softly. "Waxaan ku faraxsanahay in aad helay gacaliyahaagii ahay. As long as he looks out for you, I know you to be happy and healthy." He pulled away from her looked at Bucky critically, but didn't offer any idle threats or last minute promises. Instead, he nodded his head. "I hope you realize that in our culture you and I are practically brothers now. I would like to get to know you further. Next time I come around, we should share a round of drinks. Though I'm certain they'd have no effect on you."
(I am happy you found your beloved.)

"They don't, but the throat burn and fire bloom in the stomach is enjoyed anyhow," Bucky grinned at him and reached his fist out, "Knock your knuckles with mine, in America it's called a fist-bump and it's a friendship thing. If I'm learning your culture you be damn sure you're learning mine."

Draco blinked in surprise and curved his hand to a fist. He knocked knuckles with him and couldn't help but to laugh at the weird sensation. Mostly at how strange it was to actually /do/ something like that. "That is not what I was expecting. It's entertaining."

"Haha, I'm glad you think so. I'll show you what a 'noogie' is next time, too," he teased with a wicked smirk and he looked over at the chopper, "Well, I'm going to go get settled. See you 'round!" he did a two-finger solute and sauntered off, hopping inside their ride and he helped Kerica in as well, teasing her about her shortness to which she pinched his nose and wouldn't let go until he called mercy.

~

"Gifts! Gifts!" Scott cheered as he settled in the couches with them at the lounge, "I saw that board you guys got. Damn."

"I imagine it to be filled with scribbles by morning and then to have mini-arguments within a week," Kerica commented, "Sorry you couldn't come, Scott."

"It's fine. I'm glad that you guys got to get out of the palace for a bit." Scott grinned at Kerica. "Happy Birthday! You and I are drinking the night away tonight."

"I wouldn't miss it!" Kerica clapped her hands together and before anyone had a chance to open their mouth she pointed her hand firmly at Steve, "You!"

Steve blinked. "What?"

Kerica giggled madly, "Since T'Challa gave me the go-ahead to do whatever I want and buy whatever I want today, I bought you a very belated birthday present since, you know, you weren't /there/, and the bag you've been holding is it. I hope you didn't break anything running after Bucky." She beamed, "No use telling me I shouldn't have, so just open the bag and look!"

"Oooooooh, I knew it!" Bucky scooted closer to Steve, "Open it!"

"I will shove you off the couch." Steve warned as Bucky siddled up close, but smiled as he carefully opened the bag. He blinked for a moment before pulling it out. It was an wooden box and when he opened it, it revealed an art set filled with pastals, colored pencils, oil crayons, markers, the artists' delight. He felt his throat tighten and he looked at Kerica. "Thank you." He said sincerely reaching over to give her a huge hug.

Kerica returned the hug as tightly as she possibly could, "I fully expect your fingers to be a canvas in their own right as soon as you figure out what you want to draw first," she giggled, "Just know I'm probably going to use some of those pencils, there's sketch pads in the second bag I have."

"I think we're eventually going to have to find a new place to chill once those two have art supplies strewn everywhere," Clint smirked, "Steve, you should give her your gift first just to be fair."

"True." Steve smiled and gently took out the bag that he had bought at the bookstore and handed it to her. "I kept eyeing it and thought it suit you."

Perking, head tilted curiously, Kerica took it with careful hands and pulled out the pen box. It had a picture on it, so you couldn't see the real deal, and she wasn't about to loose her shit over a picture, so she popped the lid and slid it out to look at it properly. Her jaw dropped as she did so.

"She looks like the 'oh my god' cat!" Sam found himself snickering.

"Shut up, Sam, or I'll go 'grumpy cat' on you!" Kerica shot him a look before staring back down at her new pen. The marble effect had dark, emerald green hues, and swirled among it were pale, vivid greens and then here and there there were bits of gold or yellow swirls that seemed to /glow/ in the light, especially on the cap, which she removed. The pen tip was steel in a v since gold was soft, but where the ink well up was gold to where the cap screwed on. At the butt of it where she could screw the cap as well, was where the new ink would go and and around the hem where the marble started was an up-down looping band half an inch big. "I've never seen such a gorgeous fountain pen before. They're usually patterned." She turned to him and gave him a fluttering kiss on his cheek, payback from when she first arrived, and that hint Sam talked about. "Thank you, Steve. It's fabulous." She watched Falcon straighten up, beaming at her proudly for making a move.

Steve's cheeks flushed deep pink and he swelled with happiness that she kissed him back. Maybe he wasn't so hopeless? Maybe this was going to be okay. "I thought you would like it." He smiled brightly. "I didn't want you to get a fountain pen that wasn't refillable."

Bucky shifted so he could reach deep into his pocket and he pulled out three entirely different magnets, it was a wonder how they even fit because two of three weren't small. He handed them to her, "Not sure what the pop-tart one is all about but-" he smiled as she shrieked with laughter and immediately covered her mouth, "-I thought it was funny anyway."

"Oh my /God/, Steve," Kerica showed him the Nyan-Cat magnet where instead of the normal pink poptart it was blue with white dots and instead of a rainbow stream coming from it's butt it was red and white stripes.

"Nyan-nyan-nayn-nayn." Scott started singing the song.

"No stop I don't want it stuck in my head. It was hard enough getting it out of my head the first time." Steve groaned but grinned at the magnet. The song may be annoying, but it was freaking adorable."

"This is beautiful, thanks, let's see next is...awww!" Kerica cooed and beamed at the yin-yang magnet that was the smallest of the two, a white and black cat curled around each other.

"You like oriental stuff, so I saw that one and snagged it immediately," Bucky smiled proudly.

"And of course 'Cat Lady Box', which is perfect," Kerica smiled as she traced the fancy cursive 'Cat lady' was spelled with, the C in Cat actually having a cat head on top which was unique.

"My turn." Wanda said cheerfully as she handed Kerica a small bag. "Unfortunately it is not as exciting as everyone else's, but I thought you might enjoy this." She clapped her hands excitedly.

"I've already read what I brought from home, so a new book is definitely something worthwhile!" Kerica promised Wanda and reached into the bag, pulling out... "I see your irony. This is because of what happened on my run with Steve and Sam, isn't it?" she blushed as she read the title. Cat's Lair by Christine Feehan, with a man's tattooed pectoral and arm on the cover and on the second picture right behind the cover was a roaring leopard, "It may not be a jaguar but it might as well be. Thank you, Wanda."

Wanda grinned. "You're welcome."

"So, playing off of what Bucky gave you, I also know you like oriental stuff, and as Nyah put it so nicely I'm the soldier of healing, sooooo." Sam handed her a paper bag similar to Wanda's.

Blinking at him, Kerica took it, "This is why you were so deep in the bookstore? Hunting down something to help me out?" at his nod, she reached into the bag and removed... 'Reiki, the essential guide to the ancient healing art' and it was a simple dark yellow parchment cover with the red moon covering the binding half of the book, "Oh...Sam..."

"You don't have to thank me or nothin'..." Sam teased after she'd been staring at it a while and chuckled when she got up to hug him, and he patted her back, "Just don't stay up all night readin' it."

"Well, Scott would be mad at me if I did that," Kerica laughed a bit and pulled away, "I've never had such an awesome birthday. You guys are the best."

"You better not forget it!" Bucky told her with a shake of his finger.

The next morning before Steve ran off with Sam and Bucky, he went over to Kerica's room and used the Patriotic Nyan Cat magnet and stuck a picture that he drew for her using the materials that she gave him as a gift to the board. It was of two cats, one lounging on a window sill while the other was trying to bat it's tail. Afterwards, when Steve returned to his room in order to take a hot shower, he found a piece of paper stuck to his door. He carefully pulled it out and opened it.

Written in calligraphy and obviously in Kerica's handwriting was "Thank you."
()
Steve looked at his best friend's face with sour dislike. It took over two hours for Kerica to get him to say the word correctly because Steve's tongue just couldn't do the sound right and every time he tried it would make her laugh since it sounded so butchered. He was going through the motions of saying the passcode, wincing and swallowing as Bucky flinched. Sometimes he would grip his head, fingers tangling in his locks and pulling. Sometimes he would rush, blindly at something like he was trying to get away, only to hit a wall. He wished Kerica was the one doing this, but he also couldn't deny Bucky's request. Kerica refused to be in Nyah's room, due to the fight that the girls were in and Steve wanted to shake them both because this was his best friend that needed their help, not a petty argument.

However the longer he said the passcodes, getting further down the line, the actions Bucky was doing were decreasing into something more robotic. Now that he was at the end of the word, and all he could do was hope that Kerica was right and that he wasn't going to say the wrong thing. He didn't want to know what would happen /if/ the wrong pronunciation was used.

"Gruzovoy avtomobil'." Even Steve had to flinch at the last word. Freight Car, the ending of it all and should have been Bucky's death. He looked over at Nyah who was watching them, calmly at the ready in case Bucky really needed to be restrained.

"Soldat?" Nyah's soft voice asked the question and Steve felt his throat constrict. His friend had a name, had a name and they erased it all. He had half of the mind to walk out, find Kerica and wrap his arms around her just so he could pretend for five seconds that the world wasn't so awful.

It would just have to wait.

"Ready to comply..." Soldier said in a monotone, eyes blank and staring at nothing.

Nyah sighed, but she had a gentle smile on her face. "There is no mission, Solider." She said gently. "But I have to admit you spoke in English! That's an improvement!"

"Handler? Nyah?" Soldier shook his head and when he blinked his eyes were clear, "I think I spoke in English because I remembered last time. The voice speaking the words were different but I recognized it. It was a subconscious thing." He tried to reason, making more sense for himself than for them, "Where is the little Pixie?"

"Nyah put her in time out." Steve's heart was breaking just a little. Handler, commander, he was going to burn Hydra with everything they had and more. He was just thankful that some memory was being retained. The Solider remembered last time, probably because he wasn't being wiped like the files said. God that made him remember his anger and damn him for not burning another Hydra hideout because of fucking Sovokia Accords and Tony's insolence.

Soldier didn't ask about Pixie again, but he did look at Steve with curiosity and then around the room, "Oh...did I do that? Rather...Bucky?" he asked, referring to a broken chair.

Steve and Nyah looked at each other, for at least a moment before looking back. Nyah offered her own theory. "Rather it was a side-effect from how other commanders brought you through. They would force the conscious and the subconscious to trade places until you were trained to be the facade. Since Bucky has been pushing you to the side, you use force to come back through. So technically, it was both and none of you. Just a reaction."

"That...makes sense in a way," Soldier took it and left it as well. His questions were answered, and he could note discomfort in them so he would not push it. Instead, he made a different comment entirely, "I did not expect my words to be acknowledged. This room is...comfortable. No cold metal walls...carpet instead of concrete. It is...nice..." he was hesitant with the word, unsure if it was even alright to feel this way. "You have told me why, but I still do not understand why you value my comfort so much."

Steve looked like he was about two seconds away from either hugging the Solider to death or punching the wall. "Because we care about you," was Steve's only answer. "Your comfort is important to us as well as your well-being."

"You do realize, Captain, that had this been in any other situation I would think you want something from me?" Soldier had gone to the window and was opening it, taking a breath as the breeze wafted in, "Had it been /anyone/ else...but all you want to do is /talk/, about /me/. Can you see where I am coming from?"

Steve nodded his head, "Yeah. You don't have to call me Captain, either. Steve's just fine." He frowned. "Actually I do want something from you." He looked at the Solider squarely. "What do we call you?"

"I will call you that in due time. Not yet." Soldier said to Steve defiantly, just standing at the window and breathing. When was the last time he was able to just /enjoy/ this? "There's rain on the wind. There's a very big storm heading this direction." He said as a way to stall because really...what else could he be called? "All I've ever known was to be Soldat, the Winter Soldier who took commands, carried them out, and did my best to please my Commanders because otherwise I'd be hurt very badly. You tell me, what do you call me? I don't have a name. Your friend has a name. I am just a machine."

Both Nyah and Steve had the same expressions on their faces. It was clear that whoever it was that was a Commander before was going to get themselves brutally hurt and killed. Though that would have to be a coin toss on who got what honor. "You are /not/ a machine and I refuse to have you think like you are." Nyah was shaking. "You are a person and you will /not/ be hurt here. /No/ one has that right." She sucked in a breath and asked in a calmer, but clearly trying to hold her emotions together tone. "Would you like to be referred to differently? Or would you like to share the name with the person you're with?"

"It doesn't feel right," Soldier turned to them finally and frowned, "To be called a name feels off to me. Right now, Soldier is fine. It is a fact, it is what I am. I do not have a problem with it," he soothed, and walked over to them. His hand reached up and he caught a strand of her hair, "I couldn't touch you really before, so this is nice." Distract. Calm. Her voice...how upset she sounded did not sit right with him. "It is strange thinking about the 'right' thing and if it feels wrong or not," he said offhandedly.

Nyah leaned into his hold, eyes closed and body completely relaxed as she let him touch her. His hands, though the same, were used differently. He touched her like she was a marvel, something to trace. Human affection wasn't something he was used to, for it was hesitant. "/I am: yet what I am none cares or knows. My friends forsake me like a memory lost. I am the self-consumer of my woes, they rise and vanish in obvious host, Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost. And yet I am and live with shadows tost/." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Live without regret and you will be lead to what is right or wrong." She explained to him gently. "The Winter Solider is an assassin right? A type of one at least? It's one thing you and I have in common at the very least. Besides the song." She smiled gently. "It seems to me you're figuring out how to play faster."

Soldier didn't really understand what she mean by that, but he leaned down and brushed his lips with hers, "The poem you recite rings true. It is uncanny," he hummed, but since they had company with them he pulled away from her, "You know, you make it unfair for others in the room when you are near. All I can focus on is you."

"I can leave." Steve offered with a bit of a smile. "Bucky thinks that you might...uh....accidentally see her as an enemy and hurt her so I was kind of here just in case I needed to..." he scratched his cheek. "He's a bit distrustful."

"I noticed," Soldier drawled, "He really does hate me, doesn't he?" He shook his head, "Stay. Your presence keeps me aware of where I am, so I don't do something that...I shouldn't," he eyeballed Nyah, before he looked at Steve, "What do you want to call me, since I do not have an answer for you?"

Steve looked a little flabbergasted about being asked of what type of name the Solider should have. "James." He offered weakly. "He hates the name, so...I don't think he's going to think too much about you having it."

"James..." he clicked his tongue a bit, running it over in his mind a few times, "It sounds and feels alright. I will be your James, then." He didn't even bat an eye at his choice of phrasing.

"James, do you know how to use a razor?" Nyah asked suddenly.

"I do?" he looked at her with an expression of confusion.

"It's just...Cthulhu doesn't do a very good job at keeping you up to speed on your appearance." Nyah gently took James' hand and started guiding him to the bathroom that was attached to her room. Steve already had a look of pure amusement with a hint of shock on his face as he watched them leave. Steve followed at least to the bathroom's door. Kerica would never forgive him for not witnessing this and telling the story.

~

After the healing session, Bucky had noticed something very off, so he went to the bathroom to confirm.

"HE SHAVED MY SCRUFF! THAT RAT BASTARD!" Bucky's scream could probably be heard in the hallway and he stormed from the bathroom to point at Steve and Nyah, "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Steve laughed so hard he doubled over and Nyah was turning bright red and was also falling apart at the seams. "Well Buck," Steve was the one who regained /some/ of his composure. "It appears that he didn't like the idea that a big giant octopus of doom had a thing for scruffy men."

"NO! NO! That is just.../no/," Bucky was horrified and he smacked Steve's shoulder, "You bring him back /right this instant/ and you tell him this is unacceptable because he apparently has no idea I exist!" his face was set in grim determination and he went to sit on the bed stubbornly, "Yes I said what you think I said."

Nyah and Steve both got over their shock. Nyah a /lot/ faster than Steve since he was still trying to come to terms that Bucky just /asked/. "Do we?" She asked, teasingly. "For he was quite horrified at your face."

"Neither of you seem to understand my grief at the loss of my facial hair," Bucky put his hand on his chest and looked wounded, but he did allow himself to be serious for a split second, "I want to know his reaction to /my/ horror."

"If it's what you want Buck..." Steve said slowly. "I'll call him back."

"Stevie," Bucky only hummed once.

Steve took a breath and started going through the motions again. He watched Bucky's eyes cloud over, like usual, but oddly enough...he wasn't grabbing himself. He just sat there, like a statue, determined. Was it because he was willingly to go back? He wasn't sure. It wasn't until he reached "daybreak" that he realized that he spoke a little too soon. It wasn't too drastic, he wasn't getting up and ruining Nyah's room. But his jerk looked like a reaction to a slap.

Bucky could feel the hold he had slipping, but he tried not to hold on as tightly as he usually did. He closed his eyes at Pech' and the world started descending into darkness, only enough dim light so he could see the glass appear. He could see the ceiling suddenly come into view so he must've fallen back at whatever the next word was, since he didn't hear anything now. He could feel his hands gripping his head, so Steve kept talking, but everything faded.

When heard Nyah's voice call him saying there was no mission, and James opened his eyes again, he was quite confused. Looking around, he spotted the clock on the wall and stared at it before speaking, "It's barely been five minutes. What happened?" He grunted as he sat up.

"Welll...." Steve and Nyah both exchanged a look. "Bucky realized that you can't talk to him so we kind of have to be messengers between the two of you until we figure out a way to get that glass broken." Steve said after a moment. "Sorry."

"What's the matter, then? How did I piss him off this time?" James looked exasperated.

"He's not pissed off. He's just a bit peeved at us." Nyah pointed out as she walked over to him. "He asked to bring you out, mostly for you to know that we should never be trusted with your hygiene and to stay away from your scruff."

"Mostly the scruff." Steve pointed out. "We can be trusted with the rest."

There was silence as James contemplated this. He must've worried them for how long he was quiet, but he was delving. There was something different about the dark and cold in his mind. There was something deep. Flickering like a far-off star in the sky, coming in and out of the clouds, and the winter chill wasn't so biting. "Or can you?" he spoke suddenly, startling them.

"We solemnly swear." Steve said holding his right hand up in promise.

"That we are up to no good." Nyah finished and Steve stepped on her foot. "I'm going to be honest with the man!"

"We are up to no good, I remember seeing those movies in passing while on missions," James snorted, "No good is what I want." He jumped to his feet and his eyes gleamed as he looked at Steve, "We have the same clothing size, don't we? For shirts anyway?" Steve's legs were longer, after all.

"You're a bit on the bulky side, but you can fit." Steve said, understanding coming across easily as breathing. "We can raid my closet, there's bound to be a few shirts that you might like. Let's go." He grinned as he was the one that made it to the door and opened it.

"I'll be back soon," James told Nyah with a devilish smirk and a wave, before following after Steve, the two of them almost breaking into a run in their excitement, "I think I might see him. The light is so faint, though. Being playfully angry might've done the trick. I want to wear what you think he would hate," he explained to Steve.

"Oh man." Steve let out a laugh. "You're going to have fun in my wardrobe then. He really hates that I wear plaid and other patterns that come from the 1940's. In his exact words, I dress like an old man."

"You dress classy," James defended, "Those were classic times and there are plenty of things that should have stayed the way they were. Women wearing pants is fine and all, but short shorts that show their ass crack or their skanky thongs? Disgusting."

"Come on, Bu-I mean James, it's not all that bad." Steve defended. "Some people are just more comfortable showing more. I'm certainly not that comfortable and I can't see how tight shorts is anywhere comfortable, but the clothing industry certainly doesn't help forcing women to dress the way they do."

"I cannot believe we are having this conversation when five months ago I was beating the shit out of that pretty face," James grunted, they turned down the corner to Steve's room only for him to spot the Pixie heading down the same hallway, a book in her hands. He didn't stop, just did a drive-by pickup, slinging her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and he enjoyed her squeal of shock.

Kerica was not expecting to suddenly be finding herself staring at Steve as she gripped onto Bucky's back to hold on, "What's going on? Bucky, put me down!"

"I'm Steve's James. Not Bucky." He said firmly.

"I...what...oh.../oh/..." Kerica's jade eyes were wide like saucers.

"What the hell are you doing?" Steve looked at James in surprise, mostly because of his name rather than the drive by. Instantly he was thinking to himself that it would be very frightening if James /ever/ met Nyah's soulmate.

"Another witness!" James said cheerfully, "I like Pixie's attitude. She can help pick out a shirt to get Bucky riled up."

"A /fashion/ mission? Is that why you two are walking so determinedly?" Kerica gave Steve a 'really?' expression. She smacked /James'/ ass with her book as her arms weren't long enough to grope it properly, "Why are you trying to get Bucky upset?"

"He apparently didn't like it when I shaved his facial hair and so now I am going to do my best to get him seething. It is entertaining," James explained, "Why did you smack my ass?"

"It is such a glorious ass and you gave me the most /ample/ opportunity to smack it, being over your shoulder like this," Kerica cooed.

"This is why I want her," James looked back at Steve and they stopped at his door. He set her down and smacked /her/ ass to get her inside once the door was open.

Kerica rubbed her bottom at the force the slap had been but didn't comment as she went to Steve's closet, "What's the general idea here?"

"Plaid. Plaid sounds okay," James answered.

"Blue...Bucky likes red, so I think blue would look good, or even green...but you don't have much green in here, Steve..." Kerica tapped her chin.

"I don't use green. Reminds me too much of the military." Steve explained, trying to keep his voice light. He started helping her shift through the clothes. "I do have purple plaid. I also have a pink one that used to be white but /someone/ decided that it needed to be switched." The someone was quite clear, considering they weren't in the room with them to make a smart comment back.

"I'm not going to stoop so low as to make him wear pink...I like that blue and black plaid, though," James pointed at it.

Kerica knew what he was talking about and tugged it out, "I do like it when Steve wears blue like this one, makes his eyes pop. Maybe it'll do the same for you," she chirped and handed it to him.

"You wouldn't need help in the jean department." Steve mused. "We should do something about your hair though." He looked at Kerica. "Don't cut it, Bucky would have a fit and unhappy one too, but do you think there's a way to style it?"

"He likes having his hair down, but everyone else enjoys it back, so maybe a half-ponytail? He did want to see it braided and while the whole of it is harder, a half-braid wouldn't be so bad. It should pacify him," Kerica nodded and looked over to James only to look away, realizing he'd already shed his shirt, paying them no mind. He put on the black undershirt and then slipped the plaid one over it, and when he was done, while he was still adjusting the sleeves and the like, she tugged the hairband on her right wrist off that she kept for impromptu ponytails of her own. Tugging him to Steve's bed, she climbed up on it behind him and got on her knees to be taller than him, combing his hair with her fingers and then pulled his bangs and a little bit of his hair into that half-ponytail.

Steve was highly amused. "Next time we decide to play dress up, we should ask Scott for help. He has a little girl so he knows all the ropes that we probably wouldn't think of."

"I think I got this, Steve," Kerica flashed him a sweet smile, "After all, I /am/ a girl. I may act all tomboyish but I do like /some/ girly things." She murmured as she went back to twisting James' hair around her fingers to make the braid.

~

"Steve you /betrayed me/!" Bucky said forlornly as he looked down at himself. "I knew exactly what happened when I realized we weren't in Nyah's room anymore."

Steve cracked a large grin. "Well, all you said was to tell him how you were disappointed in him. It was his idea."

"It had to be you, though! I don't wear plaid!" Bucky whined, "I can't believe this! I hate myself!" The words had none of the bite they used to.

"I think it looks nice on you," Kerica told him, giggling softly behind her hand, "Though you haven't seen your hair."

"WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR?!" Bucky panicked and ran for Steve's bathroom. There was a huge sigh of relief, "Geezus, don't scare me like that!"

"You scared yourself!" Kerica shot back.

A beat later, Bucky came out and he shook his head, "I like the braid. I think Nyah would, too."

"How long /are/ you two going to avoid each other anyway?" Steve looked at Kerica curiously. "Not that I'm saying you should make up with her or anything like that, but I'm just curious."

"I don't know what she wants from me. I'm not mad at her but she's clearly angry at me. I don't know what caused it, whether it was what I said or if it was because I left her room without saying anything. I didn't know how to respond," Kerica shook her head.

"We don't know what exactly happened in the room," Steve reminded her. "I asked her and she told me it was none of my concern." He looked over at Bucky. "Did she tell you?"

"Yes and no?" Buck shrugged, "I'm not sure how to explain it."

"That's not something I'd like to share..." Kerica fidgeted. It concerned Steve after all, and while Nyah's words echoed in her head, she shook them away and smiled at Steve anyway, "It'll turn out alright in the end somehow. I didn't mean to upset her, but she is still prickly at me so I'm just keeping my distance."

"Then of course she got mad at how you walked out after our spar," Bucky folded his arms, "Is it along the same lines?"

"It might be."

"Geezus you're stubborn."

"I learned from the best."

That struck Bucky odd. He had watched the flashdrive but still something about knowing him longer and learning from him even though she didn't know him was /weird/. There was something /more/ and he /really/ needed to find out before he drove himself more insane than he was.

Steve on the other hand, merely rolled his eyes. "If you say so." Maybe Sam would be a good mediator for this. Then again, it was probably had nothing to do with him. Nyah would get over it...but at the same time he worried about it. It wasn't like Nyah to hold a grudge for this long. Her anger was quick, but it didn't /burn/. Maybe he should talk to Nyah, in a non-sparring situation. "So, do you want to go see her and see what she thinks of your new outfit, Buck?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Buck agreed, "After that, though, I'm going to change back into my /normal/ clothes."

()

Bucky had talked to Steve about it, and he had been uncomfortable which made him not really want to do this, but after the healing session, he was /dying/ to know what was going on in that head of hers.

He started off with just normal conversation in the lounge, the storm not quite there yet but the winds outside were in a frenzy, the trees almost bending in half at the force. It was like hurricane winds without the rain.

"The howling through the windows is a bit creepy, don't you think?" Kerica glanced at the windows warily, "This is my first storm here in Wakanda...and it's not even storming yet. Everyone else wasn't even perturbed."

"I haven't experienced it, either, but I guess I've been through enough that it doesn't bother me, either..." Bucky tilted his head at her, "So what are you afraid of more? Wind? Lightning? Th-"

"Thunder. Definitely thunder. I can put my earbuds in and watch the lightning all night, but thunder puts me on edge," Kerica admitted quickly.

"That's interesting. I'm thinking about bunking with Steve during it because of our PTSD and we can be there for each other, but...are you going to be okay?" Bucky frowned, and he stood up, "Come on, let's take a walk through the halls and away from the wind."

Nodding eagerly, Kerica hopped up and walked close beside him as they moved from the lounge to go through the halls, wandering aimlessly. It was really late at night, at least past midnight, but neither had been able to sleep after dinner and Kerica had been reading Wanda's gift. Of which was in her hand now as they moseyed around. "I will manage," she finally said, "It'll...be scary...but you and Steve won't be comfortable with me hanging out with you if you manage to slip."

"If we have someone we need to protect, then I think we can help keep you safe," Buck said softly, reaching out and touching her shoulder to make her turn around, "We've usually been alone for those kinds of things, not wanting to hurt others, but even in his battle mind, he's still a protector."

"He still wouldn't like it, and I won't force the issue," Kerica frowned, "That's a type of trust I doubt he's willing to give me yet."

"What else do you want? Who else are you going to go to when you're scared?" Buck frowned, "I'm a lot less stable if I slipped into an episode."

"I'll just be alone, in my room, listening to my music," Kerica sounded like it was the most normal thing in the world and Bucky hated it.

Outright hated it.

He took her by the shoulders and pushed her against the hallway, "What else do you want, Kerica? What do you want from Steve? I'm telling you he can be there for you and yet you deny him the chance without even trying to ask."

"Because why should he give me that sort of trust if I can't properly take care of myself?" Kerica bit out, scowling.

Bucky blinked slowly at her.

Kerica's breath hitched, "I'm a complete and utter mess inside and I've never seen Steve slip. I wouldn't know what to do. So if I can't keep strong for him if he needs me then how could he return the favor?"

He wondered about that. It was a good point, but still...

"Steve would only agree to it because I ask and because he is a protector, to boot," she mumbled softly, "He just can't say no when someone is in trouble. It wouldn't be fair or right to put him in that position."

He sighed and shook his head, "So..." he bit his lip. It was now or never, "What do you /want/ from him then? What /could/ he do?" he leaned down and gently nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent. It was a lot different from Nyah's. Subtle but definitely there. Maybe floral? As he stopped trying to guess her scent, he noticed he just didn't seem to fit against Kerica quite right. A few angles and limbs just didn't line up.

Breath hitching again, Kerica knew where he was going with this, her back leaning heavily on the wall behind her, "Bucky...are you really okay doing this? I don't want to hurt you by 'replacing' you..."

Of course she was worried about him. "It's fine, I'm really not bothered by it and...'it's for science', if it makes you feel better."

She snorted at the meme and shook her head, but relaxed just a bit, and closed her eyes and thought about Steve. "I'm going to...starting with the more domestic thoughts first..." he shrugged, not caring. Softly...she admits the first wave of thoughts, "I just...wants him to touch me. Anywhere. Rub my arms, lace his fingers with mine, hug me tight with his strong arms around my back, and hold me for hours or until we've had our fill."

Bucky hesitantly slipped his arms from her shoulders around her back to bring her closer, wondering just where this train of thought was going.

"I know you and Steve have experienced nothing but violence and war and 'go-go-go' since you stepped foot in Boot Camp respectively, and I just...want Steve to /stop/ a moment, to just /breathe/, and to let himself touch and be touched without worry he's going to get a knife or bullet in the back if he lets his guard down." She let out a shaky breath, "I like PDA..."

Buck knew she also meant him, they established that, and because of that he felt pain in his chest at the thought. He just...slowly allowed the tense feeling in his shoulders to lessen, hugging her closer, and Kerica returned the hug tightly. It took a minute or two of just holding, before he does the other things she mentioned, slowly moving his arms from her back to stroke along hers, and lacing both her hands with his, turning her wrists up and gently pressing her back against the wall, his own breath shallow as he leans closer but never quite enough to kiss. That would be crossing a boundary neither of them wanted to push, "What else do you want from your Steve?"

"I want him to kiss me..." she breathed, "Not on the cheek...but since he's kissed other girls, I want him to kiss me that way, too, good and proper. I want him to bury his large, strong hands in my hair, tugging just a bit so it burns but doesn't hurt..." Kerica turns her head to allow Buck to kiss the corner of her mouth along her cheek, using his flesh hand to grip her hair so he could judge better the amount of pressure he was using, and also not wanting to get the strands caught in the plates of his metal one, "I want him to...this is going to sound really primal, and not very lady like, but I want him to /mark me/. I know everyone knows I'm his, but...I don't..."

Bucky freezes at that admission, confused. It was absolutely clear to all of them Steve cared about Kerica, so why did she put herself down? "It's not Steve's style to give anyone a hickey...and how do you /not/ know?"

"Has he even really had sex with anyone for you to know that a hickey isn't his cup of tea?"

Ouch. He knew when he was busted. "Me."

"That's what I mean," and mood broken, they pull apart. "Steve cares for me...but he hasn't /said/ so. It's really not /that/ hard to miss when everyone else calls me his girlfriend, but he hasn't and I just don't want to believe it until he does, because then it's his words, not everyone else's," she shewed on her lip, "He lights up in a way I've never seen when you're near him. He laughs so true, so happy, when you make jokes, when you and Sam come back from your runs you're all over each other. I can tell you two were together."

"How..."

"Swollen lips are a bit of a dead giveaway," she arched a brow at him, "Anyway...Sam told me you're not anything to worry about, since you love Nyah, but aside from the romantic aspect to which I've gotten over my jealousy...I have yet to make him happy like you do. He's only known me for a year...been with me face to face for less, since we were apart for five months."

Bucky frowned, "What the hell was that giant ass artist's wet dream box you gave him for his belated birthday gift? He was /unbelievably/ happy with that."

"I know, I saw the picture he made me. His emotions are easily portrayed in his art," Kerica smiled tenderly, "I am talking in a social situation, Bucky. All I do is worry him. My asthma, when I get hurt from sparing, the way my feelings project..." She shook her head.

"You might not have given yourselves the chance. Are you wanting things too quickly? He worries because you worry, you know. He's just like that," Bucky pointed out, "Even if he doesn't realize it half the time."

"If you're asking me if I want him to propose to me and have sex with me, you're wrong," Kerica frowned, "What I want...what I need is straightforwardness, confirmation. Hugs and kisses aside, /that/ is all I am /wanting/ in the end, Buck. My melancholy is a joke compared to you two's PTSD, and everyone's all worried and focused on you, but I just..."

Bucky stopped her, "Do you feel like your thoughts and feelings don't /matter/ in comparison to ours?" The way her eyes watered and she looked away made his blood boil, "I should slap you just for that. Of /course/ you matter! Why the fuck do you think we're still standing here talking after I just got all intimate with you? I was kind of /not/ joking when I said it was for science. My own science, but still! I want to know what's going on in your head so I can help Steve figure you out!"

"You're going to tell Steve about this?" Kerica's brows furrowed deeply.

"Obviously I'd keep out the personal parts, just be vague and nudge him in the right direction, but yeah...he's just as lost about you as you are about him," Bucky hurried to explain, not wanting her to realize the man of topic was hiding in the joint hallway they passed, "I think he fell back on me on accident because I'm familiar. Don't be angry with him...I doubt he even realizes it," he rubbed his neck, "I see where you are coming from though. That selfish part of me revels in it, but Steve hasn't /moved on/ and he needs to. You're his key to that, but he's not willing or ready to do so, not unless he has some guidance. I /really/ don't know why either of you come to me, it's not like I'm mentally or legitimately in the right place to give advice."

"Do you really think I can talk to my dad? Or that Steve can, about whatever this messed up /thing/ is between us? He's my /father/, if Steve really wants to be with me down the road, he's gotta be the gentleman and ask him for permission to pop the question. I know how /that/ works, so do you really think he's going to tell him we can't talk to each other about how we feel?" Kerica ranted.

That was what she thought. Maybe that was something Steve needed to do. Meara would know everything about Kerica. Bucky held his hands up, though, "Okay, calm down. So, I'm the owl, the mediator between you two. I love Steve, and Nyah's song in me grows by the day, and I'm...apparently a bit sweet on you, too. Now, back on /topic/, Keri...what haven't you told Steve that you feel so ashamed about? I don't know what it is but you keep /hinting/ at it and I /need/ to know. It's been bothering me."

Breath hitching, her lip quivered. Biting it, she nodded and then took a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't started crying yet. "It does concern you, too..." Looking back at him, her pale green eyes were still shining from the tears she refused to shed, "I felt like you two were my friends."

That gave him pause, "Were? Aren't we?"

"Christmas...Christmas and my birthday were the only days my father ever took off in order to spend time with me. My mother left us when I was ten. When my class and I went to the Captain America Exibit for the first time, I would spend my free time researching it, Steve, and /you/. I went there so much and and did all of that and people called me obsessed and a fangirl. I, of course, considered it more an inspiration. I learned to draw and paint because of Steve. I felt like I could relate to Steve the most, and you were my best friend in my head. One time I even fell asleep by Steve's armor and security found me and took me home. Meara stayed home for nearly a week afterwards. When Steve was found and woken up, she was ecstatic and worked my ass off to become a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent," Kerica explained with such ease, like there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Yet Bucky saw all of the problems wrong with it. Meara was a workaholic, and Kerica slept by Steve's armor like she had slept by his cryo-chamber.

"I had felt back then we would've made a great team. Now...here we are...and it's like a dream come true. At first I was a fangirl when I joined, I couldn't believe my luck and hard work had paid off, and Steve was /alive/ and not a picture I would stare at for hours, and his armor was warm from his body heat and not behind cold glass, unworn. He didn't start seeing me, however, Buck, until I gave up. I gave up on ever getting with the bloody /icon/ of /America/ because he had bigger, badder issues to take care of and who was I? Yes I trained with Natasha, yes there are a bunch of humans on the team, but they're all talented and I was still..."

A nobody. It hit Bucky like a brick wall to the face, which had actually happened more than a few times in his extraordinarily long life. "What about now? You're definitely a valued member of the team now."

"Now isn't the point."

Bucky spoke his thoughts quietly, "Even when he asked you out, those thoughts kept running through you head. You can't bring yourself to believe it's true. The dreams you had, and then given up on, seem like false hope. It's..." his voice stuck in his throat, watching the first tear fall.

She wiped away the waterfall as is begun, obviously frustrated she had cracked. Bucky saw how strong she kept herself, how she hated crying and feeling weak. Fuck... "It's torture..." she continued, "Watching them get dangled in front of me like that. I cried when I got here, upset that the team got broke apart, and he held me sure, but I also cried because I was relieved he was alive. I was...happy...secretly...that I wasn't...forgotten amidst the chaos."

"Kerica..." Bucky drew her in, not even thinking twice this time about hugging her tightly. She was a stubborn little shit, stiff in his arms even as he felt the salt water soak his shirt and heard her broken little sobs muffled in his chest. "I know you know being an obsessed fangirl wouldn't do any better, but at the same time...once you calmed down, became more aware, it spiraled out of control and just got worse. Depression does that." Steve saw her too late to stop the dreams from shattering and becoming cutting pieces through her fingers, but Bucky wondered...was Steve too late to pick her up and put her back together? His dancing around her, keeping her at arms-length wasn't helping anyone...yet they were both waiting for the other to say something about their feelings. Which is why he'd set this up. Kerica liked PDA, so if Steve wasn't afraid of PDA and letting the world know she was his and believed Kerica could handle herself, then he really needed to do /something/ to dispel these broken, dark thoughts.

"I'll let him know to be more up-front with you. You to really need to get to know each other better. I will force you two on dates, damn it," Bucky grumbled, trying to sooth her and lighten things up.

Kerica did laugh, albeit brokenly, nodding in agreement, "Swimming. It's hot here in the Jungle."

"Tease."

"He deserves it."

"That he does."

~
Thunder rolled across the jungle like a train that was going by at a fast speed. Lightening wouldn’t stop flashing, even for a moment. it was so bright, it momentarily lit up the entire palace and the hallways before fading to darkness only to light up again. Steve wandered the area mindlessly. He was thankful that the storms didn’t cause him to flash back too terribly. At least, when it wasn’t this violent. The rain gushed down like a waterfall, almost soothing but not quite there.

His hands were in his pockets, his fingers gently tracing the flash drive. He overheard Bucky’s and Kerica’s conversation. The more he thought about it, the more guilty he felt for both listening into something private between the two of them and guilty that he thought he was doing right. That he had made his intentions clear and that she was the one pushing him away, and therefore started to back off.

With Bucky, everything had just fallen so simply. He chased skirts, Steve drew, and sometimes accompanied him with a date. Bucky always worried about his friend, worried that when he went off to basic Steve would die. He didn’t know where the line between friend and lover became blurred. Steve thought it was possible the line was always blurred between them.

He went into the library and sat down at one of the many desks that were there. He kind of missed that he didn’t bring his sketchbook. He had too many ideas that he wanted to draw right about now, and at the same time he didn't want to put them down on paper.

He thought about Kerica. Her loneliness in the exhibit. How she would imagine herself to be apart of the Commandos, be Steve’s best girl and Bucky’s best friend. He thought about what it would be like to be abandoned for work, and only be seen for at least twice a year. She really thought she was a nobody, nothing of value to the team. He heard of people curling up to his books, his life story and would spend hours staring at the museum. Yet, to hear that Kerica did exactly that didn’t sit well with him. She stayed by his armor.  How…lonely did you need to be to do that?

He must have put his head down, because he looked up from his arms when a soft clink hit the table. A steaming porcelain  cup was before him. The smell fragrant and comforting. Nyah was sitting before him, her own cup in her hands. Her long blonde hair down in waves and she wore a thin robe.  “You looked like you needed this.”

He sat up, a little surprised and stunned. Had he gone by her room? Did he somehow, someway woke her up? He pulled the tea-cup further to him and started to dip the teabag in and out of the waters to mix the juices more throughly. “The storm keep you up?” He asked after a moment, his voice thick with left over emotion from what he just overheard.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Nyah admitted. “So I decided some tea would be nice. Saw you wandering your way towards here. Thought that…well…” She gestured between the two of them. “Company.”

“Company’s nice.” Steve needed the distraction and needed someone to talk to. Sam would have been the first person to go to, because as much as he loved Bucky this…this was not a conversation he wanted to have with him right about now. Not about this. “What flavor is this?”

“Chamomile with honey and vanilla.” Was the response. “Soothes the nervous system and helps to induce sleep.”

A loud crack of thunder boomed, making Steve tense up, his hands curled around the cup protectively. His heart was doing too much in his chest, pounding and his mind trying to hard to determine if he was safe or not. He counted seconds and didn’t realize that he had closed his eyes. Nyah was still sitting there, calmly sipping on tea and looking not at all perturbed at the storm that was raging around them.

He pushed the tea closer to him and took a sip. The comforting taste and scent eased his muscles just slightly. It reminded him of a time where his mother was a live, and Winifred’s laughter. Silence thickened, but it was comfortable. Steve was used to being silent around Bucky or Sam, but they mostly waited it out or tried to fill it with their own small snippets of conversation. Nyah on the other hand made this silence comfortable and without strain for conversation. She was just content to sip tea and consider her presence enough company.

“What made you….fall in love with Bucky?” Steve wondered if this was the way he should ask his questions. “Like…did you ever feel like you needed to prove yourself to him? Be something…that you weren’t?”

Nyah set her cup down, “You heard their conversation.” She didn’t sound at all surprised that Steve overheard them. “I saw him and I knew he was going to be mine. As for proving myself or be something that I wasn’t….no. I have to be content that he will love me for exactly who I am.” She looked at Steve. “It appears that it’s a common misconception in your culture. “Out of your league” is a saying I hear in books more times than I can count. “Needing to prove my worth” another. Society puts limits on love, by brainwashing those who read those kind of romances into thinking that they need to be more.” She pushed her cup to the side. “It’s not wonder that Kerica has those same feelings. She reads those books and she obeys what society tells her to obey. She is no rebel. She followed Captain America first after all, without thinking about the lies history books tell of you. After all you rescuing the 107th was not a sanctioned mission.”

“I’m surprised you know that,” Steve looked at her in surprise. “How do you know that?”

“Even though people do write history and autobiographies about you, you learn to find the inconstancies and you learn which writers to trust. There are some people out there who managed to get closer to the truth.” Nyah explained. “Took dedicated research and time out of their lives to get half of the information that they received and more, but they’re more accurate than say the textbooks high schoolers read today.”

Steve couldn’t help but to agree. There were very few writers he even liked who wrote a story about him. A lot of the things he found out that people said, made him sick to his stomach and cold. Some of them even said that he was a nazi in disguise, which only furthered his disgust. Apparently those types of books were starting to get more and more popular now that he was against the government. After all, Captain America would never do something like that. Even though, a long time ago, he did. He would break laws in order to get somewhere with his life, stay alive.

“Bucky wasn’t exactly a rule follower either.”

“Oh not when it comes to romance he’s not.” Nyah laughed. “I read about his exploits. More girls on the block on his arm than anything in the world.” Her expression faltered. “But a strong, courageous man in times of war. He followed orders and he went along for the ride. He endured torture for his country and look where it got him.” Her fingers curled around the cup. “He was a scapegoat. Someone’s sacrifice. What do they call him in the museum? Your right hand man? Don’t they realize that he’s the very reason why you’re alive?”

“I think very few figure it out.” Steve admitted.

“You culture tells you to obey the laws and the rules that it lies out. It tells women the they are worthless and men to be stronger than stone. That women are voiceless and men can do what they please.” Nyah looked at Steve. “Yet, you are the one that says fuck it all and disappear. Society tells you to abandon your friends in the name of good, but you decide to keep them closer together.” She brought the cup to her back. “Is it any wonder why you loved Peggy Carter? A woman who only obeyed the rules when she saw fit. Of course Kerica can’t compare herself to Peggy. If anything, Kerica is a society’s best girl. In your world, she has a lot of potential. But in society, Kerica is their favorite person. Look how a woman should act! Should dream!” She shook her head from side to side. “It’s a poison.”

Steve couldn’t deny any of this. Society was a poison. He knew it form when he was younger and was struggling to rebel Society’s say about his life, about his death. No one else would think to do it. He just wanted to be able to prove himself, and in doing so he learned that he had to break every expectation. When he died, he became someone that was just an icon. A faceless solider that wore a very brightly colored uniform and had all these lists of morals and good deeds.

“Not a perfect solider, but a good man.”

“Is that why you and Kerica aren’t getting along right now?” He asked after a moment, looking at Nyah.

“It is and it isn’t.” Nyah took a sip of her tea. “I can’t handle cowards.” She looked at Steve in the eye. “I know you don’t have a place for them either, and yet look at you. You fell in love with one. A waste of time, but I know better than to question the heart and soul. Something about her made you love her. I just feel sorry that you have to keep proving yourself to her over and over and over again. It’s not your job, and clearly if you think about it, it’s not hers either. But society is a poison and there’s no cure. Too much of a Gryffindor for my liking.”

Steve let out a startled laugh, but it closed up. He took another sip of the tea, and more silence fell before them. He thought about what Nyah was saying, about how society was a poison. “Do you think that someone could be cured from it?”

“It takes someone getting really, really angry at the world. Protests, riots.” Nyah looked up at Steve. “Perhaps she needs to find what really makes her angry. If you’re talking about you just admitting that you love her, well…it’s not just going to go away. You admit you love her, she’ll want more. Call her your girlfriend aloud and she’s going to find a way not to believe you.” She sighed. “She likes her little bubble. I know she’s trying to get on the pathway, but her efforts are meaningless. At least, to me. I find it annoying how she whines to Bucky. Soulmate sure, but these types of talks are meant to be between the two of you, no?” She raised an eyebrow at Steve. “Isn’t Sam’s motto “communication is key”?”

“I’m almost surprised you’re not annoyed with me.”

“You’re not stupid.” Nyah replied simply as she took the cup. “You took her for dates, you treat her like a person. Yet she backs away from you. What kind of signal are you supposed to take from that? If she wants to waste time, it’s not your fault. Let her. I already told her that no one’s going to mourn her if she decides to die.”

Steve looked at her incredulously. “Seriously? You promoted suicide?”

“Death has more meanings than that, though if she decided to commit suicide she’s more of a coward than I thought.” Nyah replied a little darkly. “I am talking about her ability to waste time, Steve. If you do that, without trying to do anything yourself, it might as well be considering a living death. You breathe, you eat, you sleep, but you’re not doing anything.”

Steve watched her for the longest moment as he took another drink of the tea. They sat in silence and Steve mulled over what was being said. “Do…do you ever get lonely, Nyah?”

Nyah didn’t answer and he looked over at her. She was quietly looking at her empty cup. He wondered if he pressed an unseen button. When she looked up, Steve wondered if he was seeing tears glimmer on her face. “I am lonely.” She said after a moment. “But my loneliness is not the same.” She pushed the cup away. “While Kerica is lonely from her depression and anxiety, my loneliness comes from a different manner entirely. While she can manage to be lonely, feel it in her bones, and really think that she is worthless….mine is different.”

“What kind of loneliness do you have?” Steve asked.

Nyah smiled sadly. “The kind of loneliness a ghost feels, Steve. The kind of longing…” she shook her head. “Kerica is on a path that she can take with other people. My path only runs parallel. At least…for now.” At Steve’s confused look, she decided to be blunt. “I’m dying, Steve.”

The feeling of air rushing out of his lungs was one that he thought he was through feeling. Suddenly he felt…sad. Bucky was trying to get in the middle of all of them. He was trying to heal Kerica’s and Steve’s bond, he was trying to effort into them. Why didn’t Bucky tell him that someone that he could potentially love for the rest of his life, was dying at his very fingertips.

Fate was so cruel. Steve was supposed to die on Bucky’s watch, and when Steve defeated that….life gave Nyah.  Was his best friend always supposed to find those who loved him always near death? What was the fairness in that? Bucky and Steve had plans damn it. Two houses together, wives best friends with each other, and their children mingling with each other, learning the same loyalty that they had.

Bucky was the one that always wanted the family. He wanted the normalcy. He’d always talk about how after the war he’d find a nice dame, settle down, and that his wife would have a friend that would see right through Steve’s faults and bad health. They’d have so many kids, Steve was supposed to be spoiling all of them.

Yet after all of that, Steve who wanted the same dream came out and started to think that wasn’t going to happen. Especially when he found Bucky and was brainwashed to be Hydra’s assassin. He wasn’t happy with the idea of being a father, of being married anymore. Not when there was a fight that he needed to win. Yet, there was peace now. Somewhat. Steve was starting to think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. They were in hiding, and maybe that was the /wrong/ way to go about things, but he heard how criminals kept off the radar.

“I see.” Nyah broke the silence and his whirlwind of thoughts. “He didn’t tell you.”

“No…I guess it wasn’t any of my business anyway.” Steve looked away. “Nyah…can you be saved?”

“Teresa tells me that the medical advances in this part of the country are very high.” Nyah admitted. “There’s options for me to take. However, my first and foremost priority is not my health but the Solider’s and Bucky’s. Now that I started something, I should finish it.”

“….” Steve took a breath in and out. “Do you think you’ll get through it?”

“It may take me a while longer.” Nyah smiled. “He’s coming through leaps and bounds. I give it two months before I can longer do anything and the rest will be up to him. He’s strong isn’t it?”

“Resilient.” Steve replied breathlessly. “He always was the strongest out of the both of us.”

“If one has the cunning, the other has the strength right?” Nyah stood up and took the empty cups, she was about to walk away when Steve called out to her.

“I think you should tell Kerica why you were angry with her.”

Nyah stopped and turned around. “If I die, maybe it’ll hit that much harder. A bit of tough, hard love.” She turned back around. “After all she needs a good kick in the ass and no one seems to want to take the gloves off besides me.” She walked away.